Video: SEX in an Ex-Gay Program!

As I have traveled and told of my sordid ex-gay past (years trying to “de-gay” myself) and how it turned out to be ineffectual, unnecessary and even damaging, the polite question many have asked is, Why did you do it? I recently answered that question in the video, Reasons I Went Ex-Gay.

Inevitably someone finally asks the burning question, “So, like, in these programs did you guys hook up?” Ah, a question I can really sink my teeth into. Is there sex in ex-gay programs?

I cannot speak for all ex-gays or former ex-gays. There are many different types of programs and access that participants in these programs have to each other varies. Several people who have attended the Exodus International annual conference confessed to me that for some, in addition to the praise and worship, seminars on masturbation, and the convoluted chats about change, there was an awful lot of rolling around in the hay.

Some people come to ex-gay programs sexually naive. They never had sex in their lives and have little idea where they would even procure gay sex. That is until they walk into an ex-gay program where day after day they hear people talk about gay sex–what’s it like, where to get it, how good it felt during the act, how icky one might feel afterward (particularly if that one gets in trouble for it.)

I know of at least two guys from my Love in Action days who came into the program virgins and successfully graduated many months later armed with so much information about cruising spots and anonymous sex protocol that once they left off being ex-gay, they plunged into a gay sex fest that lasted months if not years.

They learned their lessons well. Sadly those lessons insisted that gay men were driven by dysfunctional, sinful, compulsive desires and lesbians had a penchant for unhealthy emotionally enmeshed relationships. It takes years to detox from that misinformation.

In this video I answer the question many have have asked as I talk about SEX as an ex-gay.

Want to experience more bizarre rules, church hookups and the dangers of bananas in an ex-gay program? Get the Homo No Mo DVD!

Also take a look at Carol Boltz’ recent post Ex-Gay Therapy–They Make you Straight Enough to Sleep with a Woman, Long Enough to Break Her Heart.


This post has 13 Comments

  1. dhconcerts on February 1, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    Peter! 🙂 I just realized who you are. I’ve watched your videos for some time now on some of the gay blogs. And, I’ve looked at your web page recently by linking from Carol Boltz’s blog.

    Last night, I put up a post linking to you and Carol Boltz in the same post, not recognizing that you were someone I’d clicked over to from her blog. And, just now, I saw your comment on her most recent post: , and it clicked that you know each other. 🙂

    Small world! Lots of good people in it. 🙂 I’m glad to read both you and Carol. 🙂

  2. Robert Thomas on February 1, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    So if I join an ex-gay program, do I have a chance of meeting a cutie like you? 🙂

  3. dhconcerts on February 2, 2009 at 5:49 am

    oops! I apologize for getting your name wrong!

  4. BentonQuest on February 3, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Was there a difference between those, like you, who chose to be there and the ones who were forced to be there?

  5. p2son on February 3, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    BentonQuest, good question. When I attended Love in Action and in most of my “ex-gay career,” as far as I know I only encountered people (mostly men actually attended these programs) who elected to be there. Love in Action began to take teens against their will into the program after I left (and has since stopped the practice)

    In speaking with some of the young men and women forced to attend the Love in Action youth programs and some folks forced into Mormon camps, I find a big difference is that they didn’t spend nearly as long in these programs as many of us who elected to be in them. Some just hung out until they could live on their own without support from their families.

    As to sex in ex-gay programs, I can’t speak to that in regards to those forced to attend. Perhaps some folks who were at LIA during those years can weigh in if they want to do so.

    The thing I noticed about “ex-gay sex”is that since we were desperately trying NOT to have sex, many of us had this build up of sexual tension and shame rising to the level of a true sexual explosion between us. Of course the sex act itself was often rushed and frantic for fear that we would get caught but more so in an attempt to outpace the shame that would inevitably kick in.

    Most ex-gay sexual encounters turned out to be the most condensed, intense sex of my life.

  6. Sexy Boyz on November 4, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    I like what your saying. All men are gay..some just like a little pussy on the side.. More power to Gay Pride. I’ll be sure to tell the boyz to check out your blog..

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