Back in December, I posted the entry, Another Straight Spouse Speaks Out. The anonymous writer, a Christian woman and mother of young children, shared some about her experience finding out her husband is gay and the journey she has been one since with all of its trials and challenges.
She has since left a comment with an update of the situation that I thought I would repost here. I post the comment in full but with paragraph breaks I added. I feel amazed at her willingness to be real and honest about her trial while somehow also remaining hopeful. I know other woman who have gone (and are going) through similar difficulties read this blog. Your stories are moving and must be heard.
I am the “another spouse” who left that first message. Just to give you an update….
Things are not easy, by a long shot, but we are being civil. I commented to my ex-husband recently that it’s as if I have a long-lost friend back. He has opened up to me much more since he came out than he ever did during the course of our marriage. Go figure!
I have had to let God do some serious work in me. And I know it’s because of His grace that I can go forward. I do agree that many churches make it IMPOSSIBLE for someone who is struggling with sexual orientation to voice that and deal with it. Okay, the fact is that i(t) SCARES most churches and pastors. It used to scare me. I’m not scared of the subject any more, but I do know that I have to choose carefully who I speak with about it.
I understand now that my ex wasn’t deliberately setting out to wreck my life. He thought he was doing the right thing. I just wish he would’ve TRUSTED me as a friend way back when we were dating, and let me know there were some issues there. I never would’ve deserted him as a friend. I’m not that kind of person. Sure, I would’ve put a halt to an engagement, but not to the friendship. I have always loved him, and I still do. But I love him now as a brother in Christ, and as a close friend.
People don’t understand how we can do that. I just tell them that our #1 priority is seeing our children grow up healthy, happy, and feeling secure that both of us love them forever. And besides, unforgiveness is a destructive spirit that I don’t care to possess. I am thankful for the good things we experienced together, and for what I learned from him. I’m thankful for how this is helping me to become a stronger and more confident woman. I have been hurt, but I have also been blessed. I am grateful.