British Quakers Make Waves about Marriage & Gays

In a move to unify their stance on marriages between two men or two women, the British Yearly Meeting of Quakers have had long discussions about their practice and beliefs. In the UK although people of the same sex can partner legally, marriage is reserved for opposite-sex couples.

According the British Yearly Meeting blog a minute has been put forward to extend fully equal treatment of same-sex couples–to recognize AND record these marriages, even if it means defying the law.

We therefore ask Meeting for Sufferings to take steps to put this leading into practice and to arrange for a draft revision of the relevant sections of Quaker faith and practice, so that same sex marriages can be prepared, celebrated, witnessed, recorded and reported to the state, as opposite sex marriages are. We also ask Meeting for Sufferings to engage with our governments to seek a change in the relevant laws so that same sex marriages notified in this way can be recognised as legally valid, without further process, in the same way as opposite sex marriages celebrated in our meetings. We will not at this time require our registering officers to act contrary to the law, but understand that the law does not preclude them from playing a central role in the celebration and recording of same sex marriages.

The BBC has reported this story here although they don’t have the story quite right. Jacobus Rex, a gay Christian Quaker friend in Wales wrote on my Facebook wall,

I’m not sure that the article is entirely accurate. One of the men from my meeting is on the Meeting for Sufferings that was looking at this in advance of Yearly Meeting. I believe that, though pushing for a change in legislation was considered by them, they decided not to advise the Yearly Meeting to do that. I believe that YM will rather be discussing making changes to Quaker Faith and Practice (Friends’ book of discipline) so that committed relationships of same- or mixed-sex couples are referred to with parity throughout.

This will not be the first time British Quakers stirred up the marriage waters or took on the gay issue. Early on in the late 1700s Quakers refuse to get married by priests of the established church. In regards to homosexuality, British Quakers issued strong supportive statements as early as 1963 with the publication of Towards a Quaker View of Sex, “which affirmed that gender or sexual orientation were unimportant in a judgement of an intimate relationship and that the true criterion was the presence of ‘selfless love'”

Hat tip to UK friends Auntie Doris and Rob Hunt for greeting me this morning on Facebook with this announcement (and Heidi who would have posted it if Anna hadn’t beaten her to the punch.)

Gay to “Homo No Mo” to ex-Ex-Gay to Me: Identity Monologue

Of all the performance pieces I perform, The Identity Monologue seems to work well in every venue so far. Through eight characters in two minutes I tell my life story without actually mentioning that much of that story has to do with struggling over the fact that I was gay and that I spent nearly two decades attempting to de-gay myself. I imagine most people can relate to at least some part of the monologue as most of us have struggled to find ourselves and be ourselves at some point in our lives.

I have taken the piece far and wide performing it a public schools in Boston, Northern Ireland and Spain, at private schools including Sidwell Friends in DC and the Watkinson School in Hartford, CT, at universities such as American, Cambridge and McGill, at gay clubs in Portland, OR and Cape Town, South Africa, and many Quaker meetings and at churches including Baptist, Methodist, Seventh Day and Adventist.

So here for your entertainment:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDhoZl4bzoQ&hl=en&fs=1&]

The Idenity Monologue

by Peterson Toscano

One: I don’t why but for much of my life I’ve struggled with identity. It’s not just accepting myself, but even understanding who I am as a person.

Two: No many people struggle with identity particularly the younger people, which is bad, it is terrible, it is a catastrophe.

Three: And I remember when I was growing up, shootI’d always be looking at other people, to see how they lived their lives, and I wondered what they were thinking about me, and what they were saying behind my back. As a result, I wasn’t always never honest about who I was.

Four: Then I tried to change all sorts of things about myself. You know externally, how I did my hair, the way I walked. Oh one time I even joined the soccer team. But it didn’t make any difference. No one ever treated me better and I never felt good about myelf.

Five: Y no se porque, pero trataba de cambiar muchas cosas en mi vida. Y gritaba al Senor, por favor, ayuda me, cambiame, salvme, perso sin exito.

Six: And I don’t understand why these issues of identity are so complicated, but for me they were, but after years of trials and tribulations, I finally came to the place where I understood who I was, and I accepted myself.

Seven: So now I can say Thank You Very Much. Although the process of self-discovery is a very very difficult process, it is an important process all the same.

Eight: And now when I look at myself in the mirror, and I see other people out and about in the streets, I often say to myself, the most beautiful people in the world, and the most powerful, are those people who are unashamed just to be themselves.

Learning to Live with Pride

retief My partner, a very smart writer (and I would add very dishy too) Glen Retief, published an opinion piece in today’s Harrisburg Patriot News. He lives 50 minutes north of Harrisburg in the little town of Selinsgrove, PA in the Susquehanna Valley. Having come of age as a gay man in South Africa as that country experienced tremendous change, in this essay he writes about his personal history with LGBT Pride including his first Pride event.

As a gay man, my relationship with the Pride movement has been more complicated than might be expected. My inaugural experience with Pride came in 1990, when I attended the first-ever LGBT march on the African continent, in Johannesburg, South Africa. I was 20 years old and fresh out of the closet. Mandela had been released and the liberation movements unbanned. And we, a thousand or so LGBT people, decided we would decriminalize ourselves by marching through the city.It was both tragic and exhilarating. Tragic, because the signs of oppression were all around us. The religious bigots were out in force holding signs warning we’d burn in hell. Fear prompted a quarter of the marchers to wear paper bags over their heads. A few spectators actually threw furniture at us — it was difficult to know whether in joy or hostility, given that furniture-throwing is traditional in downtown Johannesburg on celebration days.

But what a feeling of power! People shouted “Viva, human rights!” from the sidewalks, making the point that we, too, were an oppressed group, like blacks and women. And six years later, South Africa in fact became the first country in the history of the world to enshrine LGBT equality in its bill of rights.

He then shares about his negative experiences of Pride in large US cities like NY and then the shocking stultification when he moved to Central PA where so much of LGBT still seemed hidden in oppressive closets.

Here, in Pennsylvania’s heartland, I felt as though I’d stepped back to the 1950s. There were no male or female couples walking hand in hand in the river towns. Men in hats and suspenders bicycled along Route 11/15, past porn stores advertising extra parking for truckers.

I had no idea where to meet LGBT people in this beautiful but rather alien landscape, so the first place I hit was the anonymous on-line dating sites, where I found the common requirement of “discretion” because of fears of persecution. It was awful.

He then goes on to share what else he found in The Valley and how it helped him to better understand and appreciate Pride Events and especially living authentically.

Check out Learning to Live with Pride: Time in central Pennsylvania helps author gain true respect for meaning of movement

Brüno, Marvin and Me

Last night my beau and I saw the Brüno film. Seems we were not the only ones; it will be the number one film in the US this weekend. Marvin Bloom also saw Brüno. This former ex-gay and now gay Christian Jew for Jesus didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I did (which you will learn from Marvin’s video below.)

Like Marvin various groups have come out against the film. At least one anti-gay Christian group would like to see the film banned, and Rashad Robinson at GLAAD has also panned it.

The NY Daily News interviewed various comedians asking them to weigh in on the movie. Comic Reese Walters describes the genre of humor Brüno creator Sacha Baron Cohen uses,

“It’s very character-based humor. It’s almost like unscripted, character-based improvisation, is the best way I could describe it. One of the things I like about him is that he does outrageous things, but he does them true to the character. He just stays in character, stays committed to the character, and I think that’s one of the things that makes what he does work for me. I feel he does outrageous things [like handling a bag of his own excrement in “Borat”] but it doesn’t feel like he’s doing it just to be funny—it’s just the character is funny, and that is what the character would do.”

As a character actor myself, I appreciate the art and the skill behind what Cohen does as well as the social satire he presents. Does he mock gays? No. He mocks what some people believe to be true of white gay men, and he mocks what many white gay men and LGBT organizations have fought so hard to deny–campy guys who enjoy sex.

In the past few years we have been groomed and presented as gender normative, “straight acting,” asexual beings in hopes of not offending the straight voting majority. It may have been a clever political strategy (albeit with mixed results) but it has also reinforced that there is a good and a bad way of being gay. Act NORMAL. Don’t reveal the freaks among us. Don’t let people know about the sex part of our sexual orientation, in fact, don’t even say sexual orientation–just say that we are gay.

Seeing the flamboyant oversexed Brüno reminded me of my initial reactions to the “gay community” when I exited the Love in Action ex-gay program. After 17 years of trying to straighten myself out, (so crazy I made a comedy about it!) I came to my senses and accepted the reality that I was gay and couldn’t change it. That didn’t mean I was happy about it. My first forays into the Memphis gay scene appalled me.

Highly critical of anything thing outrageous or over the top (even glitter!) I resolved that I would show the world a better example of what it meant to be gay. I felt embarrassed around one of my new gay friends who couldn’t help but be a queen, and I shuddered (and not with delight) when one guy told me of his recent sexcapades in New Orleans. The hostility towards all things stereotypically gay ran deep, and although I no longer actively pursued to alter my orientation, I did wish we would all just behave.

Ah, I am so glad that I have learned to appreciate the rainbow flavors of LGBTQ folks. Some people really are bisexual–they are not confused or greedy. Some folks are not gender normative; so much of their beauty and strength come from their gender variance. Many lesbian and gay and transgender and bisexual people exude a healthy sex-positive attitude that our puritanical dishonest US society desperately needs.

No doubt the Brüno film has gotten people talking. Mostly straight people will have seen it by the end of the weekend. They will realize that someone like Brüno could never survive straight OR gay America. What Brüno does do is shock us in a way that many “self-respecting” gays have fought hard to avoid. We have dishonestly presented to the public a warped picture of who we are–a white washed version that denies the existence of our diversity–a false image designed to trick rather than invite into genuine honest public discourse.

Like much good art, Brüno will stir up discussion and debate.

I will let Marvin have the last word…
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W61H45UY8m4&hl=en&fs=1&]

Bryce and Zach–Two different Ex-Gay Stories

Many people reading my blog may already be aware of the story of Bryce Faulkner, a young man who as far as we know has been coerced to leave his boyfriend and attend an ex-gay program somewhere in the US. I wrote about Bryce’s situation here.

Many people have expressed their outrage and concern through blog comments and by joining a Facebook group in support of Bryce. The story is tragic and outrageous and should not happen in this day and age when it is clear that one can be gay and happy and healthy. Fear and ignorance cloud the minds of ministers and parents turning them into tyrants of LGBT youth.

In several blog entries and comments I see references to the story of Zach Stark, who when he was 16 back in 2005 had been forced to attend the Love in Action Refuge program for minors. While parts Zach’s and Bryce’s stories overlap (they both come from the Mid-South with religious parents and seemingly were not conflicted about their sexuality before it became an issue for their parents), there is one key difference.

Zach was a minor, while as far as I can tell from the information we have, Bryce is not.

When Zach Stark at age 16 was forced against his will to attend the LIA program, he had little choice. As a minor, he was a victim of a church culture that his parents bought into and which encouraged them to do harm to their son. From their own words they believed they were saving their son from what they felt certain would be a dreadful life, and LIA only reinforced that misinformation. Zach had no easy legal recourse to resist his parents. (see video This is What Love in Action Looks Like)

In these cases of ex-gay coercion once someone is no longer a minor, they no longer become pure victims. Although it is difficult and terrifying to resist, if someone is over 18, they can legally say “NO! you cannot make me do this!” and as an adult, they can then live with the consequences. I understand that the financial impact of this can be huge, but not impossible to overcome, especially with the assistance of a boyfriend’s affirming parents and a community committed to taking care of each other (which I know doesn’t always happen.)

Many of us who as adults agreed, even begrudgingly, to take part in the ex-gay process need to take responsibility for our part in it, even if it was a small part. This is essential for overcoming the harm we experienced. Although we lived in a world that stood against us, and it seemed far easier to go ex-gay, as adults we could have stood against that tide. It is painful to admit, but also freeing when we acknowledge, “I let them do this to me.” In my case I even paid for it with my own money as well as with my parents’.

The problem we face in framing the parents as the bad guys and the young person sent to the program as the helpless victim is that we can misrepresent the situation. By foisting all the blame on the parents, we absolve the adult gay person from all responsibility. We reinforce that we had no other choice but to succumb to the anti-gay pressure against us.

I feel for Byrce and the intense pressure he must have felt (and still feels) from his family and most likely from his church insisting he must go into ex-gay treatment, but it sounds like he ultimately complied and agreed to do so. Once he is free to tell his own story in his own words, we will better understand the circumstances.

Bryce faces an awful unfair choice–the real consequence of losing family and financial security or the painful consequence of leaving his boyfriend while he must repress and fight his gay orientation. Many of us did similar things in our own lives–not only in ex-gay programs–but as we chose to stay stuck in the closet, as we tamped down our gender differences and orientation, and as we lived inauthentic lives in order to please others.

As a minority population, gay, lesbian and bisexual people can pass as something that we are not. We can bow to the wishes of others, hide parts of ourselves, keep secrets from others, and even live out a whole other life that is not ours to live. As we do so, we can feel seduced to play the victim. We can see a story like Bryce’s and cry foul painting an adult gay man as a helpless victim thus justifying the many years we obliged others and lived in shame instead of taking responsibility for our lives and our sexuality.

As I have been reading the stories and the comments about Bryce, I’ve been asking myself several questions.

Why Bryce? Why this handsome young white man? What does he represent to those of us moved by his story? How do we relate to him and possibly morph his story into something that it is not?
What other stories do we not hear where people may have stood against the tide and now suffer the consequences, need a job, a place to stay, money for school?
How can we channel our outrage towards the homophobia and turn it into action whenever we see members of our community–lesbians, trans people, queer people of color, gay men–disenfranchised because they choose to be authentic and resist the compulsion to change or fit in?
Who can we assist today who suffers because they have chosen to be open and authentic?

Young Man forced to attend Ex-Gay Program

Some of you may have heard through Facebook or on the blogs about Bryce Faulkner, a college-aged man from Arkansas who many believe has been coerced to attend an ex-gay program. As far as we know, Bryce is not a minor, but is a college-age young adult.

According to Waymon Hudson over at the Bilerico Project,

The request to join a new group came through my Facebook page. The group was called “Friends of Bryce“, which could have been anything, but had a note attached that said “Please Help.”

When I clicked over to the group, an all too familiar tale unfolded. Bryce Faulkner, a young gay man from Arkansas, had gone missing after his parents had discovered he was gay. They had gotten into their college-aged son’s email account and discovered messages between Bryce and his boyfriend.

The parents then gave Bryce an ultimatum- enter an extensive and severe “therapy” program or lose all their support for college and living expenses. For a young man from a conservative small town whose entire life, including his job, was tied to his parents, who had nowhere to go and no one to turn to, there really was no choice.

Bryce was sent to 14 week long conversion therapy camp and has not been heard from again.

Lots of people have commented on the blog entry and there is even a letter writing campaign to Bryce’s parents encouraged by at least one web site. Christine Bakke, who co-founded/co-lead Beyond Ex-Gay with me, encouraged me to share some thoughts from a recent conversation she and I had. I did so in the forms of a comment (a very long comment) that I thought I would repost as a blog entry.

——————————————————————–

Waymon, thank you for blogging about Bryce and for facilitating this discussion. Christine Bakke and I had a long talk recently about the various types of ex-gay survivors.

The vast majority of people who go to these programs do so as adults who willingly seek to “de-gay” themselves for all sorts of reasons. (Check out this article at Beyond Ex-Gay where I list the many things that compelled me to go ex-gay– and here is the video with the similar info- )

Some teenagers, minors, have been forced against their will to see “therapists,” ministers, counselors and even attend Christian ex-gay camps. Although the Love in Action (LIA) Refuge for minors program closed back in spring 2007, there are other Christian boot camps around the US that offer “help” for all sorts of issues–drugs, alcohol, etc and sadly the parents of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender teens send their childrent to these camps to get straightened out.

College-age young adults like Bryce can get coerced by parents who threaten to withhold financial support should the child come out and not pursue an ex-gay path.

Of the well over 1,000 ex-gay survivors I have met in North America, Europe and the UK, this last category of college-aged folks coerced to attend often come out of the programs the least harmed. Since they are not fully invested in the process, and they are a little older than a younger teen, they typically have the inner resources necessary to get through the programming and still maintain their sense of self. They also often bring a healthy skepticism that creates problems for the folks running these programs.

Most likely Bryce is at the Love in Action Source program in Memphis, TN. It is close to where he is from, is a residential program, and would have started a new three month cycle sometime in June about the time Bryce went missing.

The good news is that programs like LIA are wildly ineffective. The vast majority of people who complete the program typically come out of the closet. I have seen that among the college-age folks like Bryce, these not only come out but become serious queer activists as a result of their negative experiences.

No doubt these programs do cause harm and most people who have been exposed to the dodgy methods and theories need help in recovering. Living without the parental support can cause huge distress. Christine and I have met many of these ex-gay survivors who have been able to move beyond these negative experiences to live open and healthy lives.

We may not be able to do much to help Bryce at this moment. If he is at LIA, he has no Internet access, phone, etc. He is in lock-down, so likely is unaware of this conversation, but he will emerge, and I imagine when he feels it is safe to do so, he will contact his friends.

My mom before she died in 2006 asked me to do her a favor. She never forced me to attend LIA, but at first she thought it wasn’t such a bad idea. She couldn’t imagine anyone being happy and gay after all the grief she saw gay people go through in her neighborhood growing up in Manhattan.

My mom asked me to be gentle with parents when they don’t yet get it. Usually they are not motivated by hate or intolerance but by fear and ignorance. Most parents simply want the best for their children and believe that by sending their child to such a program will help. My mom, once she discovered how awful the treatment was and how depressed it made me, understood that I would be best helped by being affirmed for who I was and accepted fully regardless of my sexuality. For her like many parents it was a process, (just like for many of us it has been a process to feel at peace and secure in our own sexuality).

I share this because I imagine folks are very angry with Bryce’s parents. There is even contact info on at least one site with an encouragement to communicate with his parents directly. In reaching out to his parents, if you feel so led to do, please try not to make negative judgments towards them. Assume they love their child and want him to live a happy life. Tell them your story, your own journey. Help them to see that their worse fears will not come true if they affirm their gay son. In fact, quite the opposite.

Check out this great interview with Jacob Wilson who went to LIA in 2005 at age 19. He gives an eye-witness account of what happened to him, how the brainwashing affected him and how he ultimately broke free from it. He now works as an activist in Iowa.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8uLkNefhkQ&hl=en&fs=1&]

–peterson
www.beyondexgay.com

Ex-Gay Survivors On-Line

Gay & Lesbian Review The current issue of the Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide, an LGBT journal that comes out Of Harvard University and which provides “a forum for enlightened discussion of issues and ideas of importance to lesbians and gay men” has in it an article I wrote about the Ex-Gay Survivor Movement and the role of the Internet.

OVER THE PAST EIGHT YEARS, new voices have entered the public discourse over anti-gay ideologies. One of the loudest and most hostile toward us is the “ex-gay” movement, which attempts to de-homosexualize homosexuals under the pretext of saving souls in the name of Jesus. On the Internet and in the press, we are increasingly hearing the stories of ex-gay survivors, people who attempted and failed to alter their sexual orientation through programs such as Exodus. Although these survivors have been around pretty much from the moment the faith-based movement launched itself in the early 1970’s, it is through the Internet that these former consumers of ex-gay theories and treatments have been able to connect with each other and speak out. In so doing, they have rerouted the media and refocused the ex-gay debate.

I go onto mention Mike Airhart, Wayne Besen, Daniel Gonzales, Steve Schalchlin, Christine Bakke, Morgan Jon Fox and more as I outline some of the history of ex-gay survivors and the role of the Internet from social networking to organizing of protests and beyond. You can read the whole article here.

The Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide is well worth getting. Although I hope they they expand to be far more inclusive of transgender and bisexuals. I’m sure they have included pieces about the trans and bi experience, but from their mission statement they seemed focused on the G and L part of the community. By looking at transgender and bisexual issues and concerns, non-trans gays and lesbians will gain valuable insights into their own experiences and the cycles of oppression that too often emergee among oppressed people.

You can read the entire article at the Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide

Jesus Loves You! But I’ve Heard Rumors

A few years ago I began text messaging a select group of friends with random “Jesus Loves You!” messages. These were short reflections, some silly, some serious, about Jesus, what we have been told about him, the Christ that he has become, and the swirl of pop culture that has celebrated and commented on Jesus for centuries.

I never told these friends what I was doing; they just started getting these random messages. I saw the project more as art than ministry although people said they found the “Jesus Loves You!” messages to be thought-provoking and even inspirational.

On May 25, soon after I arrived in the England for what would be a six week tour that included Northern Ireland, Wales and Sweden, I began a series of Twitter messages that began “Jesus Loves You!” My hope was to do one a day for 31 days, and I did it! My Twitter is attached to my Facebook status and to this blog, so LOTS of people got to see the updates and especially over on Facebook many people commented adding their thoughts. (You view my Twitter page here and find my Facebook here.)

Everyone seems to have their own favorite (please be sure to share yours in the comment section) and often people said things like, “I really like these, but I don’t get some of them.” Others would confess, “I have no idea what this is about.”

I tried to come up with statements with multiple or ambiguous meanings (or both). I drew on theology, church history, pop culture, advertising, my own personal religious history (yes, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues), gender studies, and word play. Much like the parables of Jesus where the listener must tease out the meaning for herself/himself, I attempted to create statements that meant different things for different people. Perhaps this comes from my experience among Friends (Quakers) where we so value the questions, the ambiguities and the many sides of a story.

So as promised, here is the series, “Jesus Loves You…”

Jesus loves you. But he has a messiah complex.
Jesus loves you, but then again he is under contract.
Jesus loves you! But he is high maintenance.
Jesus loves you! But it’s complicated.
Jesus Loves You! Apparently it runs in the family.
Jesus loves you! But he seriously needs to update his status.
Jesus Loves You! But I hear he’s polyamorous.
Jesus Loves You! But does he LIKE you???
Jesus Loves You! But he ADORES Madonna!!
Jesus Loves You! Take note: Exchange of body fluids may apply.
Jesus Loves You! But his handlers can be quite difficult.
Jesus Loves You! But I hear he’s clingy.
Jesus Loves You! Now in new Rainbow Flavors!
Jesus Loves You! But he may be missing a Y chromosome
Jesus Loves You! I hear he is sick and in prison.
Jesus loves you! With tongues?!?
Jesus Loves You! And with your tax-deductible seed gift…
Jesus Loves You! for a limited time only; while supplies last.
Jesus Loves You! But I’ve heard rumors…
Jesus Loves You! Or it might just be gas.
Jesus Loves You! He doesn’t mind the scars one bit.
Jesus Loves You! but he was caught up in that whole prisoner abuse scandal.
Jesus Loves You! He’s the Real Thing Now w/ convenient eco-friendly Emergent Church® twist-off cap.
Jesus Loves You! But he may be a little too old for you.
Jesus Loves You! For the Bible tells him to.
Jesus Loves You! But he does play favorites.
Jesus Loves You! Act now & we will automatically enroll you in Spiritual Fruit of the Month Club. Collect them all! Operators standing by.
Jesus Loves You! Just be aware that he has enjoyed the services of at least one sex worker.
Jesus Loves You! Shocking new book for children banned in 12 states — “Jesus has Two Daddies, One mommy and an Invisible Friend!”
Jesus Loves You! Now Healthy Choice Jesus–sugar-free, low-carb, and no trans-fats. New formula–same savior taste!
Jesus Loves You! Now What???

Leading and Choosing

People often ask me,

“How did you come up with the idea to write a play about transgender Bible characters?” “Why do you do it?”

Reflecting on my own journey around transgender issues and in getting to know people with transgender histories, I recall that the first time I remember hearing about transgender people was back in 1977. I was in 7th grade watching one of my favorite TV programs at the time, The Jeffersons. Network TV in the 70’s seems so much more progressive and willing to take on controversial issues than we have seen in recent years.

In this particular episode George Jefferson gets a message to meet up with an old Navy buddy only to discover that Eddie, that wakcy guy always full of pranks is now Edie, a beautiful, well-dressed woman (who still likes to prank her buddy George). Hilarity and public education ensue. (See clips here.) The episode has some unnecessary silliness, but over all I walked away with a positive portrayal of a transgender woman who also happened to be Black.

Today in the Radical Quakerism for Rising Generations workshop I co-lead with Kody Hersh, we considered Prophetic Witness and Social Justice among Friends (a fancy way of saying allowing Spirit to get us off our asses in hopes of making the world a better place.) In addition to compiling a list of the many social justice issues for which Quakers are known and even lauded (abolition, anti-war, carbon footpring) we also looked at some Quaker failures (including the introduction of solitary confinement into the prison system, something which the American Friends Service Committee seeks to remedy today.)

In our discussion we considered how bringing about positive change takes time and often proves a messy process. We need to listen, reflect, consider, listen some more, make adjustments and be willing to admit our theories or practices need adjustments or even need to be chucked out altogether.

So much of social justice work and prophetic witness among Friends (and others) arises from having a leading and a calling, which brings me back to the question above,

“How did you come up with the idea to write a play about transgender Bible characters?” “Why do you do it?”

I am not transgender myself, but I have felt drawn to trans people and deeply moved by their stories as I have gotten to know them first among Friends and then in the broader queer community at conferences and through the Internet.

Among The Religious Society of Friends we oftentalk about having a “leading” to do something. You might be minding your own business, living life while styaing open, when suddenly you feel a tug, an interest, a growing concern that becomes a passion, a calling and before you know it, you act. You beome engaged and stay engaged in a work to bring about social justice and change. This work may shape your life and the lives of others for years to come.

Recently I struggled to explain to young trangender guy and National Gay and Lesbian Taskforce organizer , Trystan Angel Reesse, why I do the play I do. Trystan, who also has experience in the theater listened to me as I attempted define what eluded me. Finally he suggested,

Maybe you didn’t choose to write and perform this play. Maybe the play chose you.

For artists this often happens. Some idea, concept, image, character or theme calls to us–chooses us. Perhaps prophetic witness and social justice work happens this way too. The message, the cause, the need calls to us, captures our attention, fills our minds, our hearts, our time until it becomes a part of us and to NOT act seems unatural.

Even so, we can and do get it wrong. I routinely approach transgender people I know and trust to find out from them where they think I get it wrong.

Do I misrepresent the issues with my words?
Do I overly simplify the transgender experience?
Do I leave unsaid something that you feel needs to be stressed?

As I have written before, part of being an ally requires listening twined with a stubborn resiliancy for when we get it wrong. One recent example of this came after I attended two different workshops on Intersex issues. Listening to the experiences of intersex individuals and the complexity of the over 40 intersex conditions, I have decided to rewrite a line about intersexuality in my play Queer 101–Now I Know My gAy,B,Cs.

In the lunch line the other day, an older Quaker woman asked about the workshop Kody and I are co-leading. I explained that one of our goals is to help these young Friend in the process of integrating Quakerism into their adult lives. She replied,

Oh, that’s easy, just live a life led by the Spirit.

Hmm, easy, just like that! One can live an adventure of trust and growth and service and love as we listen and learn and allow ourselves to be led to some very unexpected and often rewarding places. (Oh, and sometime we will get it wrong).

Growing Concerns

I write from the Friends General Conference, the gathering of liberal Quakers in North America, which meets this week in Blacksburg, Virgina at VA Tech. In addition to co-leading a workshop with Kody Hersh, I plan on attending as many talks and worship sessions as possible.

Yesterday I heard ‘Ben’ Pink Dandelion speak on Quaking with Confidence. He believes Friends have every reason to be confident and to share what we have with others. Our good news is that we have a practice, silent worship, and a confidence, that we can each individually as well as corporately, get guidance from the divine, God, the Light (whatever word you may use). We have the confidence that in our mostly silent worship, something happens–we change, we grow, we connect, we become better people, more aware, more engaged with the world. Good news indeed.

I also attended the worship hosted by the Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Concerns (the FLGBTQC–or as one Friend talk me, the Flibbity Gibbits). This group has met since the early 70’s, plenty of the original members still take part, and have developed a deep, centered worship time that at each FGC gathering meets for an hour each day from 4:30-5:30, much of that in silent listening and waiting.

Years ago when I first began performing my Homo No Mo play (availible at Quaker books 🙂 I briefly dated a Lutheran pastor very involved in a group called Lutherans Concerned. Not knowing the first thing about most LGBT faith groups, I still remember the moment in his car when I turned to him to asked, “Yes, but what are you all concerned about?” “Oh about LGBT issues,” he explained, athough he may have thought I was joking.

It’s a really great name “Lutherans Concerned.” I have since run into other LGBTQ faith groups with general sounding names where it is not apparent immediately what they do. There is Evangelicals Concerned, the Human Rights Campaign and in the UK they have Changing Attitudes.

What I like most about these names is that they don’t tie us down to ONE issue. Sure these groups focus on LGBT issues (more GL–in that order–and to a much lesser degree BT) but who’s to say that Lutherans can’t be and aren’t concerned about something else like homelessness (as the very queer trans Lutheran minister Megan Rohrer is) or that Evangelicals cannot be concerned about prison reform, assylum seekers and immigrants or the environment.

Among the queer Quakers of the FLGBTQC I know that many individuals carry leadings and burdens to do all sorts of work that do not directly affect LGBTQ people. John Calvi, aka my queer Quaker Daddy, who I wrote about recently, has been very active in the anti-torture movement. Many of the people I know from this group have one if not several issues for which they have felt leadings to do more, to organize, to get involved.

In the US where I live there is a constant fight for LGBTQ rights with some genuine advances and setbacks. After the mulitple failings of ENDA two years ago and the introduction of a new and improved Employment Non-Discrimination Act that now INCLUDES gender-expression/identity, LGB(T) groups have a chance to express active concern for transgender people. (Check out the Transgender Law Center to see how you can get involved).

As we gain more rights and security for LGBTQ people in the US, when and how do we look beyond ourselves to concerns in the wider world? These individual callings and burdens that we have–literacy, clean water, health care, elder rights and care, etc–when and how do the organizations we belong to grow in such a way to take on one ore more of these concerns?

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Tag: lesbian