Boys in Pink Dresses & Ex-Gay Queer Lectures
These are some of my favorite things!
My Friend Oliver Danni sent a link to a gorgeous article about a four-year-old boy who told his mom he wanted a pink dress, not for playing dress-up, but to wear to school. Sarah Hoffman writes,
At 4, Sam has been expressing his preference for pink for half his life. My husband and I have bought him several pink items that fall in the sort-of-odd-but-socially acceptable range: pink Converse sneakers (hold the rhinestones), pink T-shirts, and—our most risqué to date—a hot pink polo shirt. His grandparents gave him a pair of pink light-up Skechers that he adores. The dress-up box at home overflows with pink tulle, lace, and marabou feathers.
But for public appearances, my husband and I realize that certain things—hair accessories, flowery clothing designs, dresses—are on the other side of a line we haven’t been quite willing to cross, one that sits right between eccentric-but-cute and is-that-a-boy-wearing-that? We have tried to find a comfortable place on the near side of the line where Sam can express himself without inviting ridicule, and we knew that a pink sundress would go beyond that. But it was starting to look as if Sam was no longer happy within the narrow parameters we’d established to protect him.
Read how Sam’s parents navigate their fears and concerns so that they can ultimately affirm their child. Check out The Pink Dress.
Last week I gave a talk at Trinity College in Hartford, CT. Writing for the Trinity Tripod, Katie Marinello wrote an article, Resisting Oppression: Toscano Speaks on Ex-Gay Movement. In the piece Marinello outlines pretty much everything I did in my presentation. It’s like you’re there!
Peterson started his presentation by explaining that it was unique – it was not a lecture and not a performance, but a combination of the two, and he expected lots of participation from the audience. His first task for the audience was to come up with a list of facts, myths, and assumptions about the ex-gay movement, which he typed into a Word document in front of us. The list included everything from ‘It is Religious Based,’ to ‘Being Gay is a Life Choice,’ to ‘It Only Happens in the Bible Belt.’ Toscano then addressed each item on our list. He explained that most ex-gay organizations are Protestant Christian, although there are some Catholic and Jewish organizations, and they can be found in any state except Rhode Island (and he “love[s] Rhode Island for that!”). People who run these organizations, he explained, often are not well-rounded, or well-educated. They absolutely believe that being gay is a choice and that it can be changed. Whether or not these programs work, he explained, depends on your individual definition of success. Some graduates of the various programs no longer identify as homosexual or no longer practice homosexuality, but there are no cases of people actually becoming functioning heterosexuals*, except in the claims of the programs’ leaders.
Read more here.
*Actually I said that no one actually changes their orientation.
Finally, my partner, Glen Retief, knowing of my love for all things Swedish and my chronic affection for God, sent me a link to the following video. In his e-mail to me Glen wrote,
The ABBA composers recently premiered a new musical in New York. As you’ll see, they’ve grown up since “Honey, honey, touch me baby.”
For many of us who have had to deconstruct our faith and embark on a brave new world post-fundamentalism, this particular song may resonate deeply. Enjoy this poignant and emotive performance from the musical Kristina. (Read review of US production here.)
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vk76_iqw-Pc&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&border=1]
Yet some of us have remained in our Evangelical Christian traditions or after a period of struggle reclaimed our place inthem and now feel joyful and proud to be Christian. For my part I am a Christian, not Evangelical; I am follower of Jesus within a particular Quaker tradition that practices a group mysticism of sorts. Christine Bakke, my fellow co-founder of 
In ex-gay survivor gatherings I have seen fellow Christians, enthusiastic about their faith, end up saying things in such a way as to silence or shame those ex-gay survivors who no longer ascribe to Christianity. Some non-Christian ex-gay survivors say they walked away with hearing that they are double-failures–failed at being ex-gay and now the suggestion they are failures for not holding on to the very faith that for them turned out to be toxic. (I guess the same sort of shaming/silence can happen from post-Christians towards Christians, but I have not yet experienced this in ex-ex-gay settings.)
So what does this mean for the bXg Community site? For many of us, the ex-gay experience was so deeply couched in the religious experience that even after we have left it, we struggle to talk about it without drawing on religious language and imagery. In so doing though we may inadvertently undermine the discussion for those who can no longer comfortably communicate with religious language. The reality is that no matter how we identify today, most of us experienced a form of religious violence and abuse in our churches and ex-gay programs, often by people who seemed to be or may have been very sincere and loving but woefully misguided people. Such language can be a trigger for folks and may hinder us from gaining understanding for ourselves.