Category: queer

The Need for a Straight Pride March & Other Myths.

Over at Facebook I have many different types of friends (like 2200 friends) and of course they have friends who represent many perspectives. Today on a friend’s wall posting about wearing purple in support of LGBT youth two straight folks raised objectives revealing that they felt “bullied” into showing support of gay kids. In frustration one of them said, “We need to have a Heterosexual Pride Parade.” The other agreedMr. & Mrs. Salt & Pepper.

Now I know a lot of straight people. Some of my best friends are heterosexual. In fact, I come from a distinctly heterosexual family that I love. I know that some straight folks feel put upon by all of the recent news about gay. lesbian and transgender suicides and bullying. “Why do we have to hear about THEM all the time?” Hmmmm. Welcome to my world where I constantly have to go out of my way to hear about anything other than straight lives.

Lately I have been thinking of the subtle powerful force of heterosexism, like high blood pressure, I consider it the “silent killer” insistent and constant in its messaging that heterosexuality is NORMAL, the idealized norm, what everyone is expected to be, an identity that is celebrated, rewarded and represented to the exclusion of all others.

Like a low-grade fever or undetected high blood pressure, non-straight, non-gender normative people live with a steady barrage of pro-heterosexual messages mixed in with anti-LGBT messages. Even in US states where they offer “gay marriage” everyone knows it is not the same as a straight marriage because of the federal protections granted to heterosexual couples and denied to all others. But beyond the legal protections or lack of protections in the household, on the job and elsewhere, we get a deluge of pro-straight messages in pop songs, commercials, movies, religious ceremonies, proms–shoot even salt and pepper shakers! I know that there is a growing movement to include LGBT lives and voices in the media and on the agenda of the board of education, but it’s spotty at best and is often drowned out by the heterosexism that exists in almost every encounter silly and sublime.

Here’s an example of straight pride & privilege.

Marueen says, “My husband Bill & I got together w/ our two daughters & their husbands to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary and Cindy & Todd’s first baby. At church the pastor said a blessing over the family & we recommitted our vows.”

And everyone says, “Oh, that is so nice.” And it is and there are gifts and cards and photos and public sharing on Facebook and beyond revealing pride and affirmation and celebration of Bill & Maureen’s successful heterosexuality.

Of course most don’t think of Maureen & Bill expressing “Heterosexual Pride.”

It’s just “normal.”

There’s a demon in my underwear! Queer and Queerer Ep. 19

What’s worse than crabs in your crotch? Demon possession in your pubic area. This week Zack and I go where few gay male podcasters have gone before. (You will have to listen to the podcast for it to all make sense. Let’s just say, this is the scene they left out of The Vagina Monologues.)

Okay now the proper show notes:

She graced the pages of Glamour magazine. She stunned the nation on Good Morning America. She helped launch a movement (Beyond Ex-Gay) and NOW she is our guest on Queer and Queerer! Zack and I welcome Christine Bakke to the program. Christine is an artist, an activist, and an outspoken ex-gay survivor. As a lesbian who once tried to suppress and change her orientation, she now speaks out passionately about the dangers of treatments that try to “de-gay” you. She joins us to talk about the Prop 8 ruling, its implications for the Ex-Gay Survivor movement, exorcism, demon nests, and activist art!

Remember, send us your questions for episode 20! You can ask us ANYTHING.

The Queer and Queerer Podcast!

Listen to this week’s episode:

// Here’s some more information about what we talked about this week:

» Read the Prop 8 decision findings of fact in detail.

» The Slate Political Gabfest discusses the Prop 8 ruling.

» Meet Ryan Kendall, Ex-Gay Survivor and Prop 8 witness

» Details magazine looks at gay exorcism

» The APA’s Report on Reparative Therapy

» Be careful not to fall out of your RV!

Dragged Out of the Spiritual Closet

The workshop that Momma and I presented on Saturday was a HUGE success. (nearly as huge as the news I get to share with all y’all next week 😉

Loads of people packed the theater–all sorts of folks–young old, queer, straight. our theme was spirituality and sexuality, particularly being queer and being spiritual. These two usually diverge.

Much of my life I assumed I could not have my God and my queerness too. I had to choose between one or the other like a child in the midst of a bitter custody battle. Each side smeared the other and often with plenty of evidence to back the claims.

At a recent presentation in North Carolina, an audience member remarked in the after-show feedback form the organizers provided,

After all the damage the Church has done and still does to LGBT people, how could anyone in their right mind choose to be gay and Christian?

I understand the sentiment. Worthie (Momma) and I spoke about this throughout the weekend. So many queer folks we meet who once had a faith background come OUT and want NOTHING to do with God or religion. Makes total sense. Even many “open and affirming” and gay churches are not always the safest and healthiest places for queer folks. The hierarchy, the baggage others carry and the theology itself often oppresses rather than encourages.

Then among certain types of conservative Christians many people believe and proclaim that LGBT folks do not have any valid spirituality. They talk about our “lifestyle” and continue to propagate the lie that we all live immoral and irresponsible that will bring destruction to society itself. I heard such talk in the brief BBC interview of James Parker on staff at Living Waters ex-gay program in the UK.

We see that there are more serious health implications for people who live a gay lifestyle. Even the gay research shows that this is a more fragmented lifestyle and relationship choice. So actually we are trying to equate, I believe, something, um, that is less healthy for society with something that is in the best interest of society.

Perhaps Parker learned from his US counterparts how to allude to “research” without actually citing sources or even the actual findings of the researcher.

For someone who stresses concern for the fragmented lifestyles of gay men (and with a course called Journey into Manhood, it sounds like they are most concerned for the welfare of men), Parker would do more to help gay men live more unified lives which would include a full embrace by the church and society. Instead organizations like his, perhaps seeking to do good, actually cause people to become even more fragmented.

When folks like the leaders at Exodus say things like, The opposite of homosexuality is holiness, the message comes across loud and clear. You cannot be queer and live a holy life.

Yet, in our workshop, participants clearly stated that they believe same-gender loving people and other queer folks need to live responsibly as they adhere to a moral code. They expressed vales of self-respect, loving choices towards others and most importantly an integrity to do what they have come to understand is God’s will for their lives.

The divide runs deep though where many of us feel unsafe both in church and in the “gay community”. I have said it before, it is sometimes harder to come out Christian among queer folks than it is to come out gay among church folks.

But when I came to made senses and came out of the closet, I had to rediscover and drag out ALL the parts of me, not just the gay part. Early in life I had a significant personal encounter with the divine. I am wired for God, and to deny that is to deny part of myself. As a Quaker, in the silence of meeting for worship, and in my own quiet times as well as through healthy relationships, I have begun the process to fuse all the parts of my personality together and stop the insanity of living out of little separate boxes.

As queer folks, as straight folks, as Christians, pagans, atheists, queer Christo-centric and quite eccentric vegan Quakers, or whatever identifiers we use, we can live authentic lives. Such lives always cause trouble for some or for many around us. For some we defy logic and history and “research”.

But the coming out experience is one of becoming real, becoming solid, becoming ourselves. Some of us are wired for spirituality, and no one should allow some religious folks or any other folks to shove us back into our closets–closests that functioned much more as tombs.

In the words of a sorta drag queen (and Good Witch of the North) Come out, come out wherever you are.