I previously posted Susanne’s e-mail response to my post What About the Spouse? Another woman left a moving comment about her own ordeal of being married to a man only to find out that he has been attracted to other men and lived a double life during years of marriage. I copied her words below (with paragraph breaks).
Peterson, I would like to comment, since I am the wife (married for over 17 years) to a man who I found out a year ago…..is gay.
This guy was the love of my life. I “saved” myself for him. I was faithful to him. Even when our sex-life was extremely lacking and I felt unloved by him, I was in it for the long haul, and never cheated on him.
We have young children. Today, we are separated and headed toward divorce. It is like a bad dream on one hand, and pure relief on the other hand. Bad dream – well, that’s obvious. Pure relief…..well, that is because I finally know it wasn’t ME!
That whole time I felt responsible (i.e. not pretty enough for him, not cooking his favorite things for him enough, etc…) for his lack of love toward me, it wasn’t anything having to do with ME, it was his orientation. His confusion. His secrecy.
As a Christian, I believe that God looks down MORE on my husband’s dishonesty with me all those years than on his “being gay”.
This has torn me up, and has torn up the whole family. Very painful! We are seeking to continue to be partners in raising our kids, and we will continue to be friends, especially for the kids’ sake.
One last thing I’d like to mention is that a HUGE struggle I have is trying to reconcile my “best friend” with the man who has “covered up” his homosexuality all these years of our marriage, cheated on me during the marriage, and is emotionally cold toward me and to what this has done to me. They seem like two different men.
To all you single men out there: PLEASE…..if you are struggling with your orientation (even a little), do NOT pull a woman into your struggle with you. (At least not through covert operations)! It’s not a good deal. Not for you, not for her. Give her the gift of being able to wait for a man who is secure in being able to commit to a heterosexual relationship with her. Nuff said?