Marvin Rebuffed

In which Marvin shares with his pastor a desire to work with children in the church. Marvin also responds to Joe G’s question, “Is Brother Juan Gonzales gay?”

Perhaps you have some suggestions of where Marvin can minister in his church.

this is an audio post - click to play

This post has 8 Comments

  1. Bob Painter on April 27, 2006 at 3:08 pm Reply

    Like many of my gay friends who attend fundamental churches, I have some great suggestions for you, Marvin, based on their similar experiences.

    (1) Clean-up Committee – These guys have a great time picking up stray bulletins after worship or washing the dishes after prayer breakfast.

    (2) Coffee Duty – You can be a greeter (provided you’re not too flamboyant–which might be a problem for you, Marv) and serve coffee. Of course, if you’re too effeminate for this position, you can always be the coffee brewer.

    (3) Start your own ex-gay ministry within the church. Like John Smid and others, you will be your own boss and gain much prestige. Just don’t expect to ever move to another position…

    I too adore children. I’ve met gay men who hate children. I guess most mainline churches had rather have gays who hate kids rather than love them so there’s no conflict of interest.

    I love that you said teenagers scare you, Marvin. They scare me, too…JAIL BAIT!

    BOB

  2. Christine on April 27, 2006 at 8:44 pm Reply

    Marvin –

    Your audio post today made me so upset!

    Maybe you should give your pastor the following link:

    Are gays a threat to our children?”

    I remember how I was always so careful around other people’s kids for fear that they would make that gay=pedophile accusation (even though I’m a lesbian and women in general are far less likely to be pedophiles).

    Some people, when they knew I was gay or “ex-gay” were very obvious about keeping their kids from me. It hurt me tremendously because I love kids and I’m great with them. So kids always flocked to me but it seemed like there’d always be a few nervous parents in the background telling their kids to “come back over here. Just come back!” whenever I’d have a group of kids around me.

    It just makes me so angry because it’s another instance where being gay made me so “broken” and “unwhole” in the minds of those who didn’t share my “struggle.” And how anyone else, just by virtue of being straight, was considered superior to me.

    Have you considered that maybe you are not inferior to the rest of the people at your church?

    You have a good heart, Marvin, and you want so badly to do what’s right. I get that, and I hear that. But are you absolutely sure that this is what God requires of you? Do you look around you and see the ways that other people are “broken” and other ways they “struggle”? Why is your struggle so much more important and why does it continually have to make you a second class citizen?

    Wouldn’t you love to go to church somewhere and just “be”? Not as Marvin, the ex-gay, or Marvin the Queer, or Marvin, that guy who’s kinda “wierd” and can’t be trusted with kids. Wouldn’t you like to go and just be Marvin Bloom, child of God?

    Marvin, I know I’ve said before that I think you should find another church and I’m going to say it again.

    How long are you going to let yourself be a second-class citizen there?

    It seems obvious to me that they don’t really care about you there. They just shuttle you around from one thing to another.

    They will claim you if you get married to a woman – they they’ll hold you up as their success story and make a public event out of your wedding and any children you may have.

    But fail? Have a fall? Or, don’t change? Remain single? You’ll be left doing the janitorial work out of sight. Depending on how you fail at any point, you might be publicly hung out to dry, too.

    Of course, Bob’s idea of starting an ex-gay ministry is an interesting idea. Most ex-gays who run those haven’t experienced a whole lot of change in orientation, and that doesn’t stop them. Of course, many ministries seem to be going the way of having “everstraights” run them, so this might not even be an option. There’s so much less potential for scandal that way.

    Anyway, your post got me stirred up and really made me hurt for you Marvin. I’m hoping one day to hear that you ended up being able to serve God like you want, that you ended up sitting with other people who consider you one of them. That you end up just being able to be a child of God hanging out with other children of God.

  3. Christine on April 27, 2006 at 8:45 pm Reply

    I guess I should just get my own blog if I’m gonna write that much!

    Oh, wait…

  4. Valorie Zimmerman on April 28, 2006 at 5:57 am Reply

    I hate that you were rebuffed, Marvin. If God is leading you to work with little kids, that’s what you should do. Shame on your pastor for not standing up for you, and supporting you. God loves you just the way you are, and your pastor should, too.

  5. Bob Painter on April 28, 2006 at 1:59 pm Reply

    Christine,

    I just have to say…BRAVO! WELL SAID! YOU GO, GIRL!!!

    Wow, what a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your heart…

    BOB

  6. Joe G. on April 29, 2006 at 2:03 am Reply

    I know you’ll rebuke me again, in the Name of Jesus, of course, but I need to write this to you. One day, after you’ve moved beyond this part of your life, you’ll come to understand what Christine so eloquently wrote to you. The fact that this pastor reinforces such horrible lies and misinformation will sting you later. But, I guess we have to go through these periods in our lives. I certainly did.

    Thanks for clarifying about brother Juan. Another question: is he cute?

  7. Daniel Gonzales on April 30, 2006 at 1:13 am Reply

    Well as we’ve seen from groups like Exodus and Focus, Marvin’s only place at the table is leading an exgay ministry or doing policy analysis. Then again you can’t spell “analysis” without “anal” so I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.

  8. Steve Boese on May 2, 2006 at 10:18 pm Reply

    Marvin…

    I’m so sorry to hear about your pastor’s response. I have some parallel experience – during my divorce trial, an attorney suggested that my orientation made me a risk to my own children – and for me that spawned a lot of emotion.

    A question for you: Have you considered attending a church where you could participate freely and openly? I spent many years in churches where people didn’t insist on agreeing on everything – ex-gays and gays were active, as well as ex-gay-affirming folks, and gay-affirming folks. (I think the pastor supported both – he said same-sex-attracted people needed to search their hearts and their scriptures using prayer and critical thinking to figure out where God wanted them to be.)

    Please be well, my friend.

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