Category: Marvin Bloom

Marvin Struggles with Recycling

Marvin Bloom, who has appeared in several of my plays and keeps popping up all over my work, is a man with strong opinions. I swear he is the love child of Joan Rivers and Bernie Sanders. No surprise he has strong feelings about the practice of recycling. He recently weighed in the recycling craze and came to some unexpected conclusions. Recycling? A moral, earth-changing practice or a total waste of time? Listen to what he has to say. (full transcript below)


MAIN section: Marvin does recycling

632bda36942a24501c042d1a0778f4f49131f558fc32020f3d21b0131e213c5fHi everyone, this is Marvin, Marvin Bloom from the Long Island chapter of the Citizens Climate Brigade. I don’t know about you, but I LOVE recycling. Amazing, almost a spiritual practice for me. I have all my different bins to separate the plastic bottles from the cans and the glass. I even like the sound of the word bins. Right? I also separate newspaper from glossy magazines and tie them together with twine. It’s like wrapping a Christmas present for Mother Earth. It feels so good.. And I don’t know about you but I’m a rinser. I mean who wants to send the recycling people gooky sticky smelly bottles and cans. No I rinse everything, which I know is a waste of water, let it air dry, and put everything in its proper place. Then twice a month I put it all out of the curb and poof, magic. I come home and it’s gone sent to a center somewhere in recycling land to get transformed into who knows what. Yeah, I love recycling.

STill i have to be honest with you. Ready for this. Turns out recycling is a total waste of time. I know it sounds terrible. It’s the sacred cow of the environmentalist movement. IT is that outward sign that we send ourselves and others that we are serious about making the world a better place. But are we? Really?

My partner, Tristan, has this annoying habit of looking at the facts. Not too long ago he burst my pretty little recycling bubble. He said, Baby, which I know is his way of softening me up for some bad news. Baby, I know you think you are making a huge dent in reducing fossil fuel pollution, but recycling as a form of climate action? That’s like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. And he’s right. Jerk. Not that recycling is a bad thing. It is the moral thing to do along with everything else we can and should do to reduce our personal contributions to pollution. But we’re kidding ourselves.

IMG_0702No seriously, listen to this;
I’m full of gas. My life is completely infused with greenhouse gases. No matter how I try to untether myself from the system—oh and I try—I’m an untetherer. I use public transit, although it is smelly and annoying. I buy carbon offsets when I fly to Miami to visit my parents, who by the way are retired and can come up and visit me for a change. I practically kill myself changing all the lightbulbs in our apartment the high ceilings. I hang dry clothes all over our living room as per Tristian’s suggestion, which doesn’t even work. I end up smelling like a mold factory. And whenever I’m with Tristian we always walk and bike which to me sounds dangerous. I mean people fall down. I do all that and more. I am like the queer poster child of conservation and I’m not even an environmentalist.—still I am responsible for over 13 tons of gas. Why? because I live in the USA. And I’m one of the good Americans.

According to the World Bank, the average American is responsible for 17.6 tons of carbon pollution each year. And what is the average for people outside of the USA? 5 tons of carbon pollution per year. Why is this?

Well, I leave my apartment and walk on public roads and sidewalks soaked in fossil fuels. The streets in my Long Island town are lit, cleaned, and maintained thanks to the power of greenhouse gases. I walk into my local grocery store, which for some reason stockpiles tofu but can’t seem to get in any Bubblebee smoked trout. I walk into that store, one that relies on fossil fuels for light, heat, air conditioning, and for refrigerating the products shipped in by planes and trucks. I can literally go an entire day never driving and never turning on the stove. I could shut off the hot water heater, unplug all my appliances, and never turn on a light. I could avoid the Internet and the data stored in the cloud, which is somewhere in silicon valley heaven in Steve Job’s butt . I could live like Peterson’s Amish Mennonite neighbors, a life of simplicity off the grid, hand pumping water from a well, eating only the vegetables I grow, looking like a Little Jewish princess on the prairie, and still I live and benefit from a country that runs on greenhouse gases.

Listen people, We fantasize that if everyone just did their part, we could make a serious dent in curbing fossil fuel pollution. Well, we have tried that tactic since the 1970s; it’s not working any better than racial justice in this country. Guilting people into action, shaming them or appealing to their better selves is wasting time and simply does not work.

And why should I the individual consumer make all the hard choices? Sure I am responsible for my actions, but I have virtually no control over the fossil fuel lifestyle that runs my town and this country. OMG I am starting to sound like Bernie Sanders. He says good things but I can’t listen to him. His voice is so annoying.

So are we helpless victims here? Should we give up? Absolutely not. We have work to do.

You see while recycling makes me feel like a million bucks, it doesn’t do anything to address climate change. Because climate change is not an environmental issue—it is a policy issue. The government has to change the policy of how we get our energy from the top down, not from my little lowly apartment in Long Island New York.

And what is the best policy to make this happen? Raise the price. Make these energy companies pay for the privilege to pollute. Keep it in the ground or pay a fee to dig it up. So that is why I am doubling my efforts to talk to lawmakers, to write letters to the editor. Oh and I need to design a teeshirt that says Beep Recycling—give me a carbon tax. Or something like that. No the action we need is collective action, a movement where we demand our government do something to help us get all this gas out of our systems.

Of course Tristan my partner, says we should boycott our local supermarkets until they stop selling meat altogether , but he has his own healthy vegan tofu loving lifestyle agenda he is trying to shove down my throat, but that’s another story.

Marvin reveals he is a denier–a cholesterol denier

Episode Eight has Climate Change activist, Marvin Bloom, explaining why he is a cholesterol denier; it all sounds so familiar.


The only known photograph of Marvin Bloom

We also learn about some climate change winners–species that will thrive on a warmer planet; it’s not all good news. Speaking of news, we look at a new disturbing trend among tornados; misery loves company.  Listen here or on  iTunes, and Stitcher. Please rate and review. Comments are always welcome.

Enjoy Episode 8 of Climate Stew

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Listen to Stitcher

Doin’ time in Northern Sweden

In a few hours I will perform once again in Umeå, Sweden, a progressive city in the North of Sweden. I believe it is the fifth time I have been here, and arriving at the home of Alex & Noa Resare, I feel like I have come home. In fact, the past two days I have slept about 13 hours each night. Their home with their three children is a place where I can relax, recuperate, and just be myself (a person who likes to sleep 13 hours a night and then sit in bed and do my work.)

Tonight I will perform a variety show of sorts, “Doin’ Time with Peterson Toscano–Just when you thought it was safe to laugh.” I have done this show more and more the past two years, and have enjoyed being able to pick and choose from nearly a hundred different options of what I can present. Even though it is guaranteed that I will do some bits (Chad & Lorca from Queer 101 & The Identity Monologue) each show turns out different from the last with a clear theme emerging. Tonight’s show I will focus on sexism, misogyny, bodies, and strong women. Here is an outline of possible bits I will perform.

Doin’ Time in Umeå

Intro: Sweden is TOO progressive for my comedy. You all need to elect a racist, homophobic government so that my jokes will mean something (said sarcastically.) I also notice that the flight over alters my body. Once I get off the plane and walk among the Swedes, I am twice as fat as I was in the States. You are all so beautiful, naturally beautiful. Even your fat people here are fit. We could learn from your natural living to just learn to embrace ourselves for who we are.

1. Henry Kissinger had a boob job
2. scene from Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House (Chad & Vlad intro)
3. scenes from “Queer 101–Now I Know My gAy,B,Cs” Chad &Lorca, Earthel
4. scene fromRe-Education of George W Bush–Dr. Meadows does Sodomy
5. scene from I Can See Sarah Palin from my Window–NEW monologue about woman with “issue of blood”
6. scene(s) from Transfigurations–Deborah and possibly man with pitcher of water (I will do all of Transfigurations on Sunday, so I don’t need to do it all tonight)
7. Stand up: some cancer comedy. Don’t you hate it when your mom gets lung cancer? People ask such stupid questions. “Did she smoke?” WTF etc
8. Comedy sketch: Marvin & Samson or How Marvin “did it” kinda
9. Vlad and his superpower. Invisibility can be complicated
10. Identity Monologue

Chances are I will not get to all of this and in fact may end up doing some very different bits. A lot of it depends on the audience. Part of doing solo performance work requires building a dynamic relationship with one’s audience. They give me energy and direction as I share my mind and heart. A bond occurs, often unique from audience to audience, and the show and my performance gets influenced by that bond and our shared needs, interests, and personalities. What I love about LIVE solo performances is that truly anything can happen. And often I discover new material, new jokes, new insights that I incorporate into the act during a future performance, an imprint of that one audience on the enduring work.

I imagine this happens a lot with teachers in the classroom who present some of the same lessons year after year or pastors who repeat sermons (come on, you can confess that you recycle ministerial material.) Jazz musicians have a long history of improv and immediate creation in front of a live audience. There is something magical about the whole thing. If I think about it, I see it is also scary, so I won’t think too much about it. Instead I will rehearse rehearse rehearse and have the words roll around my mouth and tongue and let my body shape shift into characters very different (and some not so different) from me.

I’ll let you know how it goes…


Marvin on the Airwaves

Since coming back out of the closet (ex-ex-gay) in April, Marvin Bloom, a devout Jew for Jesus, has been making the rounds at various podcasts. His gay-friendly rants have been heard on Spanking Bee Arthur, The Flatus Show and more than once on Joe G’s Bored Beyond Belief.

Currently you can hear Marvin on Episode 81 of Mila and Jayna’s Trans-ponder. In fact, you will also get to hear me too since in his new segment, Moments with Marvin, he interviews me.

In other news, I have a boyfriend, and he is not Marvin.

Marvin & Gay Pride

Ah, Marvin. Some of you may remember, Marvin Bloom, our favorite Jew-for-Jesus from Long Island, NY, is no longer ex-gay. See this post of his video announcement. Apparently Marvin has taken to the gay lifestyle with evangelistic zeal (gay lifestyle as in wearing tacky rainbow clothing and attending Pride Parades and bashing straights).

In this video he gives us an update and his very own pride message.

Of course this over the top embrace of all things gay commonly happens to those of us who crammed ourselves into closet, cupboards and wardrobes all those years. We burst out of those confined places, and suddenly we see the world through rainbow lenses.

It is not unlike the born-again experience, especially if one converts as a young adult. I remember dashing to the Salt Shaker, the local Christian bookstore, where I bought all manner of Jesus products. Not just books and music, I purchased Jesus pencils, Jesus t-shirts, Jesus glue sticks, etc. We see this same expression of new identity pride with impulse purchases during Pride events with those stalls that sell all that rainbow schlock. “No, thank you, I do not need a rainbow dream catcher with the rainbow candle holder attachment.”

In the Stages of Coming Out, in Stage V we may exhibit lots of pride in our new-found identity. Marvin seems very much in Stage V Identity Pride,

Feel arrogance/pride in new identity and deep rage toward majority culture. May adopt/heighten stereotypical behaviors or characteristics (i.e. “I’m different and proud of it!”. May isolate self from mainstream values and activities.

Question: Do Straight Allies goes through these same stages?

Marvin’s BIG Announcement

Since our trip to Sweden, Marvin has not quite been the same. I was unaware of all the big changes going on in his life until about two weeks ago when we met up for lunch. Turns out he burst forth some good news to share with me, but he made me promise to be quiet about it until he was ready to say it in his own words. As so often happens with Marvin, good news becomes, well, not bad, but not quite good either.

See for yourself and give Marvin some comments to help him on his journey.

Oh, and I retired Homo No Mo just in time! Now you can see, Straight to Heaven, an ex-gay parody in musical form that was presented at the GCN–Gay Christian Network Conference 2007. Hilarious!

hat tip to Ex-Gay Watch

Oh, and it gets better. Here is a clever little video of a Jewish gay guy coming out straight to his mother. She doesn’t take it very well.

Hat tip to Good As You

Marvin & the Presidential Election

Marvin is really taking his role as a video blogger seriously. In this one Marvin Bloom wipes out the four leading Republican candidates (McCain, Giuliani, Romney and Huckabee) and instead reveals the Republicans’ secret weapon to destroy Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.


Marvin Bloom Hot & Bothered

Marvin Bloom returned safe and sound to the secure shores of the USA and soon after e-mailed a video file he wanted me to upload for him. I was sick with a stomach virus for a few days, so got delayed, and then I received a flurry of frantic e-mails from Marvin. I tried to explain that I was ill and most likely under attack by the devil (something that I thought he would appreciate), but he claimed that Satan won’t mess with me since, like Joe G., I am backslidden. He then accused me of kissing too many Swedish men. As if I were that lucky.

In this video Marvin recounts yet another bizarre incident that occurred during his brief stay in Sweden. I was off having a normal fika with a new friend when Noa and Alex lured Marvin into a sauna with a pack of other hot naked Swedes. Needless to say this sorely tested Marvin’s ex-gay convictions.

Marvin Touched by a Swedish Angel

In a bizarre incident reminiscent of one that I once experienced, Marvin Bloom, recounts an intimate encounter with a hot Swede that resulted in a sexual release (it is not what you are thinking).

As a former homosexual (AKA ex-gay) Marvin gets touched by the Holy Spirit (or something) and finds even more evidence that God is at work to will and do his good pleasure, and at the hands of a Swede no less!


Marvin in Sweden

Marvin is on the road with me for the past four days. I flew him out to Northern Sweden to help me with my play The Re-Education of George W. Bush–No President Left Behind. Marvin serves as the Emcee of the show and has begun traveling with me. Of course he didn’t want to leave his room all week. Well you can learn about this for yourself.

Spiritual oppression, binding the strong men, “normal” Swedish families and the evocation of Willie Hewes.