May 11, 2006 / Uncategorized / 7 Comments » In what Marvin considers as a controversial post, he outlines how he plans to apply the Bible to restore order in his recently shattered life. It is time for drastic action, and Marvin is the man to creatively respond to crisis in Jesus’ name.
Okay, Marvin, as I told your buddy Peterson over the phone just now, you seem determined to create your own drama and life pageantry. “Desperate Housewives” has nothing on you!
(1) You are correct, in my opinion, that the pastor should be forgiven for his sexual misconduct. Forgiveness does not constitute a lack of consequences, however.
(2) Since you seem set on following the dictates of your church leadership, allow the elders/deacons to determine Pastor’s reprimand. It is not your place to save the world…or even your Pastor’s dignity. He’s already erased his integrity for a long time.
(3) What do you mean asking Soon to marry you? ARE YOU CRAZY!?! I ask you to weigh in this decision on the scales of honesty. It you loved her (truly loved her), the issue of her citizenship would not even enter the conversation. She deserves someone (probably another female) to love her completely. The more down-to-earth person of your relationship with Soon is Soon: I hope she refuses your offer and sets you “gay”!
You’re so frustrating sometimes, Marvin!
Wow, Marvin, you’ve got some really big stuff going on.
It’s not my job to tell you what to do, but I hope you won’t mind if I share a couple of thoughts.
I have a bit of second-hand experience on marrying when one of the people is not a U.S. citizen: One of my brothers was married, at least in legal terms, for a couple of years (he wanted to help his friend become a citizen). And, some close friends of mine have been married (in every sense of the word) for 2 years and they’re still wading through the immigration issues.
From what I’ve seen, marriage is not an easy or simple solution to immigration-related challenges. Couples are often put through a gauntlet of red tape, long waiting periods, and requirements that they prove themselves to be married in the traditional and ordinary sense.
I trust that your love and concern for Soon is deep and meaningful, and I trust your sincerity when you say that traditional marriage and family are what you want for yourself (and you believe God wants them for you).
Christian marriage, as I experienced it, meant standing in front of God, clergy, and family to say that my commitment was sincere and real. (For me, that didn’t work out so well over the long term.) For you and Soon, it will also mean standing in front of INS officials to make that commitment, as well.
The INS will ask if you were motivated by her imminent deportation. (Even if you marry, they may deport her and insist that the two of you re-apply for a visa.) They will also ask about how you met, what your relationship is like, and ask for corroborating statements from friends and family.
And, as much as it seems like no business of theirs, if you tell them that you are ex-gay, she is ex-lesbian, and you’re both looking to marriage as personal refuge after knowing each other a short time, the INS is not likely to be sympathetic.
Historically, people have lied and hidden (I’m thinking of the Underground Railroad as an example) for valid, even heroic, reasons.
Marrying Soon could present you with those kinds of difficult questions: Is that the sort of marriage that you’re both making an informed choice about entering? If it becomes necessary or prudent, are you prepared to shade or hide the truth? If Soon returns to her homeland, will you go with her? Will it violate your personal values if you and she both find yourself to be mostly straight, but not a good match for each other?
I’m sure you can figure out the best path for yourself, Marvin. I won’t pretend to know what I’d choose if I were in your shoes… (And, maybe you think I’m one of those loosey-goosey secular humanists who never makes up his mind; I’m not, but anyway…)
I just encourage you to think and pray things out thoroughly.
Gosh, Marvin, I don’t know. First, on the pastor thing: wait and see how it goes when you talk to him. It may be that he won’t want you to lead a campaign on his behalf… I worry a bit that he’s so phobic he won’t want to be overly identified with you. (That will hurt!). But just wait and see what he wants you to do. You are a heckuva lot more forgiving that I’d ever be, that’s for sure.
Marrying Soon: well, others have done such a thing and if it will rescue her from certain future abuse in Korea, I guess maybe you’re right to go ahead. It’s just such a rotten situation; if Soon were free to marry the woman of her choice in this country, you wouldn’t even have to be thinking about this. And, people have started marriages on far thinner foundations than the two of you have. Still, it seems like it could be pretty fraught. I have this feeling that in your heart of hearts, you’re thinking that once you’re married, maybe your struggle with being gay will somehow magically evaporate. But, marriage usually isn’t a panacea for anything (just like having kids isn’t), it just brings new challenges of its own.
Well, good luck with it all. I know that you have a good heart and intentions and wish you all the best.
Jane in CT
Who knew that listening to one guy week after week would be like one was following a soap opera – Bob is right on that account!
Re. the pastor: sorry, I don’t have a lot of sympathy here. If this had been a woman I have the feeling there would be a lot less calls for forgiveness. I saw that happen in my church – the pastor cheated on his wife (several times): he must be forgiven. Then when it was learned that a 21 year old woman had pre-marital sex, oh, my! It was as if someone had murdered someone. She was forced to resign her (measely, I might add) position and literally run out of the church!
Re. Soon and marriage. Marvin, I think what you propose is illegal. Good to hear how your faith is inspiring you to break the law, which is a lot like another faithful (fundamentalist) Christian has been doing for awhile.
I’m still praying for you, so there!
Well, if nothing else, Marvin stirs up discussions and comments. I will be sure to share your words with him.
On the one hand I want to discourage him from making foolish mistakes, but on the other, his heart seems so pure about doing the right thing and obeying the Bible as he understands it.
Yeah and talk about drama! Marvin exhausts me. I hope he has a quiet patch soon.
I’m busily catching up on the adventures of Marvin since Joe G. played the “Soon and very soon” song … but just wanted to say how much I’m enjoying the Guiding Light story-line 🙂
I checked out the performance schedule and, sadly, Marvin’s friend, Peter, will not be performing in my home town anytime soon but I wish him well and glad he is out there doing the work he is doing 🙂
throw a “son” at the end of the Peter up there 🙂 ctfs these days