Loads of Lovely People (Ex-gays leaders too)


Willie Hewe’s Comic Art
Originally uploaded by p2son.

I can’t keep up with all the great people and amazing conversations. While in Oxford I stayed with Sally, a former math teacher who now does volunteer work to help asylum seekers. Also, dinner with Jimbo and Trevor from GCN consisted of a full English breakfast (vegetarian style) and stimulating conversation that kept me up late into the night thinking.

Yesterday I met Willie Hewes, the comic artist who created Free Z, a comic based on events at LIA this summer. In her home I saw her workspace, original sketches and some upcoming projects. She does the writing, drawing, and even grinds the special ink sticks she uses. These are handcrafted comics–expertly rendered with moving, meaningful stories.

Over dinner (Chinese food) we discussed LIA, Exodus and the religious right. I reminded myself that these groups and the people behind them are not my enemies. Currently they may be opponents, but I believe in these people, and as a Christian, believe that we are family.

I believe the folks at behind Love Won Out, Exodus and LIA mean well. They truly believe they save souls from miserable lives in this world and damnation in the next. Many even feel called to this work and make considerable sacrifices to do it. I believe if they knew the sort of damage they were doing, they would stop and seek to make things right.

Having met the folks at Courage in the UK who made those very changes, I feel more hope than ever for individual leaders in the US “ex-gay” movement.

In the queer community we have to acknowledge that we also have work to do. There is a reason why so many people each year elect to attend an “ex-gay” program. For some the queer community looms over them like a stark wasteland of promiscuity, bad relationships and shallowness. In some ways they are correct in their assessment.

Many of us had to fight our way into a healthy life, and the gay community was not always affirming of the choices we made. Gay people of faith and those who choose to be celibate before being in a committed relationship can find resistance from what seems the dominate gay culture.

We are in the midst of our own culture war (well skirmishes at least) in the gay community. Some queer folks in reaction to the hyper sexuality, the dominate white-male-driven gay media and the anger born out of hurt, are beginning to condemn their own people.

As we point out the faults and dangers of “ex-gay” groups and anti-gay conservative Christian groups, let us also turn a throughfully critical eye on ourselves. In the words of one wise teacher–

You see the sliver in your friend’s eye, but you don’t see the timber in your own eye. When you take the timber out of your own eye, then you will see well enough to remove the sliver from your friend’s eye.
-Jesus

This post has 4 Comments

  1. Willie Hewes on September 30, 2005 at 10:24 am Reply

    You blog on me, I blog on you. It’s a blogfest! 😀

    I think the point you touch on, about the difference between opponents and enemies, is really a crucial point, not just in the gay vs ex-gay conflict, but in conflicts in the world at large.

    There are too many enemies, so much us or them thinking, and so little willingness, it seems, to listen to the other side, to see what their needs are, to talk to them respectfully, and trying to work out a solution rather than just lashing out in anger.

    I see that willingness in you, the fact that the ex-gays will still talk to you is a good sign, even if what they say can be cringe-inducing.

    What we should try to work towards is not the extermination of our enemies, it is understanding and peace between the two sides. The answer to hate is not anger.

    Thank you for inspiring me, and spreading the hope you found at Courage. Looking forward to seeing you on Sunday.

  2. Peterson Toscano on September 30, 2005 at 12:24 pm Reply

    Mutual blogging admiration…so does that cancel out the good vibes or double them?

  3. Regan on October 9, 2005 at 4:29 pm Reply

    Those who have objections to you being gay and work within strictly religious parameters might just be opponents.
    But their political involvement in removing so many freedoms and rights guaranteed while pleading benevolent purpose makes them an enemy.
    The ‘we’re tyrannizing you, or aligning with those who will for your own good and society’s’…reeks of the segregationists principles of Jim Crow support.
    “We like Negroes just fine, and we’re Christians and are charged to care for the Negro. Sure, we like them fine….in their place”.
    I don’t think I exaggerate here.
    Read the Southern Manifesto or any of the speeches by Senator James Eastland, and the clergy he courted and who courted him and you’ll get the picture.

  4. matt (aka wingfan) on October 11, 2005 at 2:02 pm Reply

    For some the queer community looms over them like a stark wasteland of promiscuity, bad relationships and shallowness. In some ways they are correct in their assessment

    Great great observation, Peterson. This single idea may be the biggest stumbling block I myself have had on my way to coming out. Thanks for giving me something to chew on today.

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