About two years ago I received an e-mail from an evangelical Christian woman who had read an article about me in her local paper where I talked about my ex-gay experience. She told me that God had put me on her heart to pray for me. We began to correspond about our faith and lives. She sent me lovely words of comfort when my mom passed away.
She questioned me several times about my theology. Who is Jesus? she wanted to know. I did not avoid the question, but wrote about my faith and what it looked like. She wanted more, she wanted to know if I believed that Jesus was the SON of God and that he is Divine.
I think I knew where she was coming from in asking that. As an born-again, evangelical, fundamentalist Christian for nearly two decades, I would insist that people have a “saving knowledge” of Jesus Christ and not just think of Jesus as a good man or prophet, but accept him as God himself in human form and the sacrifice for all of our sins. If not, I would pronounce (I believed lovingly) they were deceived and not real Christians.
When my concerned Christian friend recently asked me directly about the divinity of Christ I wrote:
I cannot give you an answer that will satisfy you. Even if I say the very words you expect a Christian to say, chances are you will distrust the sentiment or the words coming from my mouth. It is possible you will think that I am deceived, and therefore place me in a box labeled “unsaved,” ” misguided,” “prodigal,” or just “wrong.” But Jesus made it very clear, you shall know them by their fruits, not their doctrine, not their profession of faith, but by their fruits. Many will say in the day of judgment, “But I knew you Lord” and will have flawless theology, but Jesus may not recognize them.
The fruit of the Spirit is first Love. We are a people defined by the way we love.
I create a dilemma for some Christians. I love Jesus. I am filled with the Spirit. I love to worship God and be in God’s presence and hear God’s voice in the Word. And I am sexually and romantically attracted to other men. Something Jesus never condemns. There is such a thing as heterosexual sin and there is homosexual sin. There is such a thing as healthy heterosexual love and healthy homosexual love.
This may be a dilemma that you will have to sit with for a time, to go before God and bring it to Him, to hear what He has to say about it. I know that that is what I have spent years doing, not seeking what itching ears want to hear but asking and seeking and knocking to know God’s will for my life.
The way of this world insisted that I was deformed, sick, perverted, just as it has said that women were inferior and Blacks were property to own and abuse by whites. But Paul says, no longer conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds. Sadly too much of the World has gotten into the Church and Christian people have done atrocities in Jesus’ name.
I cannot give you an answer that will satisfy you because there may be too much at stake for you. Right now you need to accept me as a Christian on your terms, terms you will insist are the terms put forth in scriptures. Perhaps you will consider looking into the history of the church and the Bible and how the Bible has been used as a weapon to silence and oppress people as well as a tool to lead people to new life in Christ.