Jesus Loves You! Void where prohibited by law

A few months ago I posted a series of Twitter/Facebook/Blog status updates that I compiled into a blog post entitled Jesus Loves You! But I’ve heard rumors… I figured that would be the end of it, but about two weeks later I got inspired again and began another round of Jesus Loves You! updates. Since the first round, John Henson, the brilliant Welsh minister and author of Good as New–A Radical Retelling of the Scriptures, has become a Facebook friend. (Do buy his book–it is stunning) He spiced up the daily updates with his own analysis on Jesus. Lots of lively commenting ensued from loads of different people including Deborah, Fredrick, Brett, Tania, Eddie, Susanne, Rabbi Nina, Jean–well loads of people. I also got tons of affirmation from Friends when I attended Quaker gatherings this summer. So many lurk in the Light. 😛

Like the first set this one brought out all sorts of Facebook friends who I rarely see. Some of the Jesus Loves You! updates really struck a chord, got people laughing, thinking, remembering, connecting. There is a move afoot to print some onto mug. Personally I think some would be perfect on a thong.

I purposely choose phrases that are ambiguous or have multiple meanings to let the readers decide what it all means for them. For me many of them serve as commentary to how Jesus is marketed by some churches–Jesus the product. There is also one Wizard of Oz reference there that confused a lot of people (which speaks to what an old gay guy I am that now people don’t get Oz references.) See if you can spot it. Some also speak to the challenges many of us have faced with the Christian faith as it has been taught and practiced and the double-standards we experienced. Some are just fun with no deep abiding meaning that I can extrapolate. I sometimes just like playing with words.

Check ’em out. Which is your favorite? What do they mean to you? Have some of your own you want to add?

Jesus Loves You!

  • Jesus Loves You! No purchase necessary to enter. Employees and families are not eligible. Void where prohibited by law.
  • Jesus Loves You! Side effects may include dizziness, exaggerated feelings of depression or elation, changes in sex drive & impotence.
  • Jesus Loves You! Yet you worry, that in spite of all you tell yourself (and all you’ve done) you still look fat in those jeans.
  • Jesus Loves You! Unconditionally. Well, kinda.
  • Jesus Loves You! He arrives at your door a battered beast seeking shelter, refuge.
  • Jesus Loves You! But he doesn’t like to brag about it.
  • Jesus Loves You! But he works weekends.
  • Jesus Loves You! But look out for the in-laws!
  • Jesus Loves You! Most scholars now agree that he looks nothing like his current Facebook profile photo.
  • Jesus Loves You! But he gets kinda weird when you start asking lots of questions.
  • Jesus Loves You! He loves you not. He loves you. He loves you not…
  • Jesus Loves You! With extra strength cleansing power! Those tough sin stains don’t stand a chance. Now in lavender or lemon-scented blood.
  • Jesus Loves You! Although he does live in an exclusive gated community & only let’s the ‘right’ people in.
  • Jesus Loves You! Christ Update 4.0 bulked up w/ new spiritual security enhancements & now compatible w/ Buddhist & Pagan operating systems.
  • Jesus Loves You! Behold the Lamb of God! (Yeah, he’s into that whole furry scene)
  • Jesus Loves You! Have seen this Savior? Last spotted in Roman-occupied Palestine circa 33 AD.
  • Jesus Loves You! You are truly lovely and extraordinarily worthy of love and then more love.
  • Jesus Loves You! Consider the lilies of the field before an ecological nightmare annihilates them!
  • Jesus Loves You! He ascended up to heaven & seated himself at his Father’s right hand, thus ending a 33 year custody battle.
  • Jesus Loves You! The exact whereabouts of the Savior is still unclear. Sources close to Jesus claim he mutated, became air-born & went viral.
  • Jesus Loves You! Why look ye for the living among the dead? He was forcibly removed from the planet 2000 yrs ago by his Father’s henchangels
  • Jesus Loves You! Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
  • Jesus Loves You! First Crusade Cola© then Inquisition Fruit Punch® and now Jesus Lite Energy Elixir™–fullness of life w/ 75% less wrath!
  • Jesus Loves You! “I am the Vine; you are the branches.” An invasive specie of global proportions.
  • Jesus Loves You! Purveyor of loaves & fishes since 33 AD. “Our cod is an awesome cod!”
  • Jesus Loves You! Do not fear the monster lurking under your bed or the one living in your heart.

This post has 10 Comments

  1. Jane on August 20, 2009 at 11:29 am Reply

    Okay, first, really who could miss the Oz reference?!? Maybe I’m old too. I love the “our cod is an awesome cod” and the lavender and lemon scented blood.

    One of the things I work at, vis a vis an Indigo Girls song (I know, right?), is not taking myself too seriously. These have really helped do that. They are fun and thought provoking.

    If there is a coffee mug, I’m all over it.

  2. Brian on August 20, 2009 at 11:06 pm Reply

    I feel like a coffee table book (square, one per page, centered vertically and horizontally) is waiting to be made.

  3. Sheria in SA on August 22, 2009 at 9:05 am Reply

    Jesus loves you!-Love this segment! Here are my favourite:J
    -Jesus Loves You! Yet you worry, that in spite of all you tell yourself (and all you’ve done) you still look fat in those jeans.-totally funny! I had to check my jeans in the mirror.
    -Jesus Loves You! Unconditionally. Well, kinda.-Hmmm…I thought Jesus loves us UNCONDITIONALLY…
    -Jesus Loves You! He arrives at your door a battered beast seeking shelter, refuge.-this one is so important. We have homeless people asking for a penny everyday. What is our response? Do we help, or just pass by…Nice one…
    Jesus Loves You! But he doesn’t like to brag about it.-Funny but true, he doesn’t brag!
    -Jesus Loves You! But he works weekends.
    -Jesus Loves You! But look out for the in-laws!-this one is soo funny am still laughing!
    Jesus Loves You! With extra strength cleansing power! Those tough sin stains don’t stand a chance. Now in lavender or lemon-scented blood. Lavender scented blood??! hilarious!!
    -Jesus Loves You! He ascended up to heaven & seated himself at his Father’s right hand, thus ending a 33 year custody battle.-this one REALLY made me laugh, but I saw the message in it…
    -Jesus Loves You! Why look ye for the living among the dead? He was forcibly removed from the planet 2000 yrs ago by his Father’s henchangels-very true. Sad how Jesus was totured, crucified etc…but he lives!!
    -Jesus Loves You! Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.-another one that REALLY made me laugh!!
    Jesus Loves You! First Crusade Cola© then Inquisition Fruit Punch® and now Jesus Lite Energy Elixir™–fullness of life w/ 75% less wrath!-there really has to be jesus loves you drinks..people need them for spiritual and physical strenghth!
    -Jesus Loves You! Purveyor of loaves & fishes since 33 AD. “Our cod is an awesome cod!” -This one made me really think, that Jesus had good eating habits. He loved fish, and fish is good for our health, unlike red, red meat!!
    -Jesus Loves You! Do not fear the monster lurking under your bed or the one living in your heart.-Oh, how I laughed!! I had to look under my bed!!
    So here is my one-JESUS LOVES YOU, BUT HAVE YOU INTRODUCED HIM TO YOUR FAMILY??
    JESUS LOVES YOU, BUT HE IS WORRIED ABOUT YOUR MEANDERING!
    Peterson, I love this segment-anytime, I will indulge!

    • p2son on August 22, 2009 at 2:11 pm Reply

      Thanks Sheria, so glad you approve 🙂 Good offerings too!

  4. Jox on August 27, 2009 at 7:36 am Reply

    Too many favourites to list but here are my top 5!

    Jesus Loves You! With extra strength cleansing power! Those tough sin stains don’t stand a chance. Now in lavender or lemon-scented blood.

    Jesus Loves You! Consider the lilies of the field before an ecological nightmare annihilates them!

    Jesus Loves You! You are truly lovely and extraordinarily worthy of love and then more love.

    Jesus Loves You! Most scholars now agree that he looks nothing like his current Facebook profile photo.

    Jesus Loves You! He ascended up to heaven & seated himself at his Father’s right hand, thus ending a 33 year custody battle.

    But I also love Sheria’s suggestions….

  5. Sheria-SA on August 29, 2009 at 8:45 am Reply

    Thanks Jox! Glad you like my suggestions! Maybe you can come up with some of your own Jesus loves you lines and post them here? Reading your comment made me realise that I forgot my other favourite, this one: “Jesus Loves You! You are truly lovely and extraordinarily worthy of love and then more love”.

  6. Kriss Murray on September 10, 2009 at 5:03 am Reply

    Ok, I guess I’m old too, cuz I got the Oz reference!! (Well, we are the same age). My most favorite (could be an affirmation) “Jesus loves you! You are truly lovely and extraordinarily worthy of love and then more love.” But, they’re all great!!

  7. joanie c. on October 25, 2009 at 4:00 pm Reply

    love them all!! Just as Jesus loves us all no matter what our gender or sexual preference…..Thank you joanie

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