Homophobia—It’s Not Only About the Queers

I have the privilege of speaking in middle schools and high schools in various places in the US, the UK and Europe. When I meet with a group of high school students (ages 14+), I typically perform my play Queer 101—Now I Know My gAy,B,Cs. This one-person, multi-character comedy explores homophobia, identity and activism through the words and lives of lesbian and gay poets. In it I do the scene between my character Chad and the Spanish poet Federico Garcia Lorca. (See video here.) We also explore tems like gay, fag, queer, sissy, dyke, etc.

With younger students I do not present the whole play as some of it may be over their heads (more so because the complex historical background to some of the poems and less so about the sexual content). With middle school students (under age 14) we look at identity starting out with considering things about ourselves that we don’t like that we might like to change (hair color, height, abilities, etc). Next I do my Identity Monologue with the students snapping along as I change from character to character.

Regardless of the age the topic of bullying comes up including the use of the word “gay” as an insult.

Your shoes are so gay. This homework assignment is gay. Dr. Who is gay. (not the character but the show)

In nearly every instance the students do not mean that the thing they are bashing has a gay orientation. Rather “gay” is a way of saying stupid, bad, lame or uncool. (Interestingly enough I have never experienced the term “queer” as an insult. I know that for some the word has been used to bash them, but in my community growing up it was never used. For me the word “gay” brings up negative feelings in a way that queer never has).

I usually share a little of my story with these students about how unhappy I felt when I discovered that I was gay. I didn’t want to be perceived as stupid, bad, lame or uncool. The messages I received on the playground, from political leaders in the media, and from ministers and priest in the pulpit reinforced the shared misconception that anything or anyone “gay” had to be flawed, less-than, and even dangerous. I talk about how I tried desperately to change and the unexpected ways I did change—how I became depressed, discouraged and suicidal. (not at all an uncommon experience for queer and questioning teens).

We then go on to discuss how to make the school a safe place for people who may seem different from the mainstream, not just the gay, lesbian and bisexual or questioning students, but also anyone who falls outside of firmly policed gender roles and presentations.

Many straight people experience restrictions because of all this “that’s so gay” talk. The straight male footballer who wants to be in the school musical needs to fight through a lot of homophobia and gender-norm bullying in order to get on the stage. The cheerleader who wants to try her hand at rugby, has to fend off charges that she must be lesbian. Straight boys and girls need to carefully hold gay, lesbian and bisexual friends out at a distance lest they be assumed gay or lesbian (often in the form of a sharp accusation). The two straight girls who maintain a close friendship, who pal around a lot, have sleepovers and share non-erotic physical intimacy, may feel the need to pull away from each other to lessen the gossip about them being lesbian lovers.

Recently at a presentation to middle school age students (11-13) I shared about my own experience of nearly doing harm to myself because of the conflict I felt after years of bullying. One young boy began to cry. One of his friends alerted a teacher who took the boy out of the room for a chat. Turns out that two years previously the boy had a friend, who after much bullying about being gay, ended his life. As the boy told this story to his teacher, he admitted that he had never talked to anyone about this before and just kept it all inside. What a burden for a pre-teen to bear.

In so many places where bullying of lesbians, gays, bisexuals and people who do not adhere to gender norms occur, non-queer folks also suffer from of all these negative attitudes. Many straight teens have loved-ones who are gay or lesbian, bisexual, transgender or intersex–sometimes even a parent or grandparent. Thoughtful discussion about orientation and gender can benefit all students. Getting beyond mere labels to the humans behind the labels and the slurs ultimately does a great service in helping students and school staff to create and maintain a safe and affirming world.

This post has 10 Comments

  1. seithman on May 22, 2008 at 3:03 pm Reply

    It sounds like a wonderful and powefully effective presentation.

  2. Joe G. on May 22, 2008 at 8:04 pm Reply

    Recently at a presentation to middle school age students (11-13) …One young boy began to cry. … Turns out that two years previously the boy had a friend, who after much bullying about being gay, ended his life. As the boy told this story to his teacher, he admitted that he had never talked to anyone about this before and just kept it all inside.

    Very sad, Peterson. Poor kid, really sad to read this one.

    Admittedly, I thought at first it was your performance that made him cry, but it was something far more disturbing (seriously).

    You know I love you more than you want me to…

  3. Auntie Doris on May 22, 2008 at 9:38 pm Reply

    ew. I feel violated sometimes by your comment Joe G. It makes me think about things I shouldn’t have to think about.

  4. Joe G. on May 23, 2008 at 12:39 am Reply

    Sorry Auntie Doris. I didn’t mean to offend. I was trying to honestly feel sad about the little boy while also teasing Peterson. I guess I was trying to have my cake and eat it, too. Doesn’t always work, does it?

    BTW, I found my old podcast online where, in a later episode about Syble (a U.S. TV movie about a multiple personality disorder from the 1970’s) I used an audio clip of Peterson calling me using this English accent. Did he do that the last time he saw you in England? I have nary an idea why that popped in my head other than that I could hear an English voice in my head while reading your comment.

  5. Auntie Doris on May 23, 2008 at 7:40 am Reply

    er… I was joking… I don’t get offended *that* easily!!

    I did get the English accent whilst he was here… as well as the rest of them. It was like being with a multitude of personalities. As usual 🙂

  6. Joe G. on May 23, 2008 at 11:20 am Reply

    Oh, good. I was uncertain.

    As to Peterson’s multiples – just like Sybil. Do see it if you get the chance – a camp classic of U.S. TV.

    Isn’t this fun using Peterson’s comments section to chat away? I love it!

  7. Heath on May 23, 2008 at 1:07 pm Reply

    “Dr. Who is gay.”

    Ooooo if only…

  8. Auntie Doris on May 23, 2008 at 4:56 pm Reply

    Hands off Dr Who!

    The fact he is straight keeps me smiling 😉

  9. CrackerLilo on May 24, 2008 at 4:09 am Reply

    Wow, Peterson. You explained how homophobia can harm straight people so well. How sad that that boy held that inside him, but how good it was that you helped draw it out, like a poison that needed to come to a head. Thank you for doing what you do!

  10. D.J. Free! on May 25, 2008 at 4:03 am Reply

    thanx for sharing, peterson. i often forget that our lives intersect our hetero friends’ lives – often in profound ways.

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