Category: healing


I am sitting in a computer lab right now with Ariadna typing away beside me. She and I are co-writers of the Dos Equis blog. It is a Spanish language blog for gay Christians where we talk about our faith and experiences as queer Christians. Of course I write about the ex-gay movement as well.

Right now we are posting a blog entry together, a little interview. I just gave her a hard question, Como encuentras a Dios–In what ways do you encounter God? Being a religion student, I think she will be at it a little while, which gives me some time to blog here in English 😛

This week I feel like I am bursting with joy and satisfaction. That is big for me. A lot of it has to do with the many partners that enrich my life. Four years ago when I first premiered my Homo No Mo play, I was truly a one-man operation. My good friends Christina, a co-worker from the Watkinson School and Roy Steele,my web master, cheered me on and helped out some, but for the most part I was on my own.

But now, wow, how rich my life has become, rich with partners. I work with Ariadna on Dos Equis. You now know of my partnership with Christine and with Steve on bXg. I have partnered with Soul Force on the upcoming conference. Later this month I get to co-lead a queer Quaker retreat with a wonderful bisexual friend, Judy. Sarah B. Miller has been so amazing doing my booking and giving me clarity about what I do. Daniel Gonzales and I work on scripts for videos and strategize about speaking to the press. I meet regularly with my support committe. Alex helps me with my Swedish blog, Svensk Spädbarn. And with so many of my presentations I get to partner with others to bring together a community.

As someone who lived much of my life in a closet, really in a tomb, I lived in isolation. I felt terrified and refused to let anyone near me lest they see the parts of me I struggled to conceal even from myself. I grew weak in that condition. I floundered. Even when I was married, I held my wife at bay and would not let her come close because I had not yet integrated my faith and my sexuality. I was at war with myself and so unable to partner with anyone.

So as I sit next to Ariadna, oh, and that’s Christine calling me on the phone, I feel like a very rich man with so many wonderful partners in my life.

Doin’ Time in Hartford

How rare that I am resting in my own bed after a matinee performance as I prepare for tonight’s show. So nice to show my friends and the members of my community what I do as I present my ex-gay comedy in the city where I live.

In my play I compare coming out to Lazarus’ resurrection then the act of his friends unwrapping him from out of his grave clothes.

I moved to Hartford in 2001 knowing only some family here and in a short time I have found community. After living in darkness for nearly 2 decades, I sensed I had to be wide open about myself including my sexuality. Telling my story to fellow faculty at Watkinson School proved to be healing. They then cheered me on as I worked on and then began performing my play.

So healing to find community, but it takes work and persistence. It takes time and it takes giving at least as much of what I hope to get back.

For me it included attending Quaker meeting, staying after to chat and get to know people. It took volunteering to help out with work days and with the teens. It took getting involved as a volunteer with non-profits like True Colors, Stonewall Speakers, Connectikids and the CT Forum. It took walking around the neighborhood, being the first to say hi deciding I am no longer going to live as a victim of my society and my times.

Today I will see over 200 people at my shows, people with whom I worship and with whom I share meals or rides or speaker panels or simply the same time and space as we go about our work and our Work.

I have found deep healing in building community. After years in a dark, cold, cramped closet, it feels good to be out and about and connected.

The greatest obsticles are almost always internal.