Yeah, I feel happy today. A reporter once asked me if after all of my time in the ex-gay world, if now that I have sorted that out and embraced myself as a Christian who happens to be gay (and lots more) if I am now happy. I understand the question, but I think it silly and inane. I mean, happy??? I mean is anyone truly happy?
Content? Yes. Peaceful? Totally. Settled and hopeful? Completely. But happy? No.
Rarely do I feel happy. It might just be my general disposition. Although I can be sanguine, I tend to lean toward melancholy. I eat up sad songs and sad poems. The existentialism of Ecclesiastes and Baudelaire draws me. Also, look at the world! Lots of stuff out there gets me down. Bad stuff. Wrong stuff. Unnecessarily cruel stuff.
But today I feel absolutely happy and joyful. Such a simple day in many ways but thoroughly satisfying. After a pleasant evening with Mike Airhart and Steve F (with his guide dog Whitley), I woke up well rested after eight hours of sleep. In the morning I made green tea (my my really nice little brown clay pots I bought in NYC’s Chinatown about eight years ago.)
As the day progressed I wrote some in my journal and answered e-mails. I spoke on the phone with filmmaker and scholar Harjant Gill about PhD programs in Cultural Studies (very cool and clever guy). I chatted via AIM with Noa in Sweden and Heath in Texas. The chats possessed that jaunty quick quality interspersed with forays into deep topics like the Gnostic Gospels, Quakerism, and sexual identity.
In the mid-afternoon I received phone confirmation that I will perform in Denver in two weeks at the MCC and got a very encouraging e-mail from John about possibly doing some shows in Austin at some point in the future.
Since the day shined with clear cool autumn brightness, I drove myself out of my comfy lair about 3:00 in the afternoon and met up with my cousin TJ for coffee at Tisane, a cafe near both of our homes (we live three blocks apart from each other.) He came back to my place where I put on some albums (yes, LPs) of Run DMC, Mos Def and Duke Ellington.
Now that I have succumbed to Facebook, throughout the day I have interfacedbook (my new word) with Auntie Doris, “Dani” and Morgan Jon Fox (who is working with me on some very cool Memphis gigs).
Now I have Nina Simone on the record player. I have sesame-encrusted, miso and maple syrup-glazed green beans with mushrooms and spinach in the rice cooker (I make it do so much more than just rice!) and Episode Two (Joan of Arf) of the current season of the Sarah Silverman Show queued up in iTunes.
Then later in the evening I will sit down with some Joyce Carol Oates and then maybe some William Penn as I start to settle down for worship tomorrow morning at Quaker Meeting. All in all a happy day.