Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

This just in from the deliciously reliable “news” source–The Onion:

LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He’s a member of his school’s swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Faber admitted to reporters Monday. “It’s like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I’m tempted to go behind my friends’ backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on.”

Added Faber, “I feel so confused.”

The openly gay teen, who came out to his parents at age 14 and has had a steady boyfriend for the past seven months, said he first began to suspect he might be different last year, when he started feeling an odd stirring within himself every time he passed a church. The more conservative the church, Faber claimed, the stronger his desire was to enter it.

Read more here. hat tip to Mister Tumnus

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This post has 4 Comments

  1. GreenEyedLilo on January 14, 2010 at 12:28 pm Reply

    This is absolutely hilarious!

  2. Jane on January 14, 2010 at 3:26 pm Reply

    Love the photo! So perfect!

  3. AndyfromStIves on January 15, 2010 at 9:40 am Reply

    Not sure if I’d use the word ‘hilarious’. But this is a struggle that many Christian teenagers who discover they are gay have to go thorugh.

    Lucas will find that right wing fundamentalist churches won’t like him being gay. If he sticks with them, he’ll end up trying or pretending to be straight, with disastrous consequences to his mental and spiritual health, as many gay dads will testify.

    I seem to remember being rather fundamentalist in my teens. It took a long time to work through all that stuff unfortunately. So my advice to Lucas is to find a more open minded church – maybe Episcopal, Quaker, UCC or UU – where he can be himself – a Christian and gay.

  4. lowercasepaul on January 18, 2010 at 6:59 am Reply

    This is really sad. There is an obvious need for some sort of ex-Christian ministry to help de-fundamentalize people like Lucas… or he could always wear a rubber band around his wrist and snap it whenever he drives past a church.

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