Okay, so I come to the garden alone.
It’s early. Dew on the rose bushes and all.
Suddenly Jesus shows up. He like wants to walk with me and talk with me and stuff.
I tell him, “Dude, I have work to do. This lettuce is not going to plant itself.”
He then calls me a Big Ole Martha.
So I call him a Mary-loving Zombie has-been.
It was ugly. The neighbors got involved.
In the end I had to have a judge issue me a restraining order against Jesus. I mean he stepped on my radish seedlings.
Now he cannot come closer than 25 meters from me and the garden.
I try to work in the garden alone, in peace, but he is standing there, exactly 25 meters away, with this big sign, God Loves Fags!
He’s not getting any of my tomatoes this year. Just saying.