Fun with Battle Cry Dialogue

Recently I posted about Battle Cry, a conservative Christian youth organization with fascist leanings created by a straight white man from the Bush administration. (Okay, I am not a fan)

On their home page they have three photos that flash on the screen. I wonder what stories these photos are trying to tell.

Luke: Damn, I can’t believe Travis and I got caught in the locker room last night. We were only kissing, but they warned me, “One moment on the lips then you’re all over his hips, and then some.”

Ann Coulter Clone: Luke, it is not too late to repent and make things right. The stoning ceremony is still a day away.
Luke: But I don’t know what else I can do! I went to that ex-gay program like my parents wanted, I’ve prayed, fasted, had people cast demons out of me. I’ve done everything short of cutting my hair and destroying my Emo music collection.

Ann Coulter Clone: We can tell them that you weren’t kissing Travis, but that you were kissing me dressed up to look like Travis, that it is part of your process to change from being a homosexual into a normal person.
Luke: Yeah, a normal person, who in order to survive in church, has to become a liar.

(Okay gang, now you can have fun with the dialogue. Try your hand at creating dialogue for this mini soap opera.)

Thanks to Bruce Garrett for capturing the images for me!

This post has 15 Comments

  1. Bob Painter on May 18, 2006 at 1:43 pm

    I think #2 and #3 photo are in the wrong order. (Notice the pose on the boy in photos 1 and 3.)

    Looks like to me he’s sizing up some hot guy standing in front of him when this chick sits down beside him and starts making moves.

    Then he puts his face in his hands, thinking, “Oh, no! Another horny straight girl led astray by my metrosexual charms…It’s time to out myself again…”

  2. Daniel Gonzales on May 18, 2006 at 2:07 pm

    hahahaha Emo hahahaha

    You realize Silverlake is the epicenter of emo hipster culture?

  3. Peterson Toscano on May 18, 2006 at 2:10 pm

    Daniel, wait I thought Silverlake is the epicenter of Christian Science!

    Bob, sounds like you speak from experience. 🙂

  4. Peterson Toscano on May 18, 2006 at 2:14 pm

    Oh, Bob, I did actually change the order a little for my own subserive purposes. On their site, it is actually in the order that you outline. Hmmm, who do you work for??? 🙂

  5. Peterson Toscano on May 18, 2006 at 3:15 pm

    Of course I cast the female lloking character in the role of villian (perhaps it was I thought that when Bruce Garrett first suggested that she looks like a Coulter knock-off), but what if the female is the hero? What if one of them is trans?

    See what you come up with and like Bob feel free to rearrange the order you would like for your little play.

  6. Tonya on May 18, 2006 at 7:54 pm

    From the female perspective I’d say the whole thing could be captioned with:

    “Don’t worry it happens all the time. I must stop picking up men at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.”

    Kick me if that was out of line. I feel like that outsider talking about racism who unknowingly uses the wrong words.

  7. Liadan on May 18, 2006 at 9:10 pm

    1) Luke: She just had to walk in at exactly the wrong moment. It wasn’t what it looked like!

    2) Ann: I knew you were keeping something from me. What’s your secret?
    Luke: I admit it! It’s the Emo Diet!

    3) Luke: It’s not MY fault I look better in your clothes than you do.
    Ann: Well, you’re stretching all my bras out. Buy your own, cheapskate.

  8. kurt_t on May 18, 2006 at 9:33 pm

    PANEL 1:
    “Please, Lord, You gotta help me out here. Prom is NEXT WEEK!!!”

    PANEL 2:
    HER: “You asked Stacey to the Prom? What were you thinking?”
    HIM: “What do you…?”
    HER: “Dude, she’s a lesbian!”
    HIM: “Oh, for the love of…”

    PANEL 3:
    HER: “But she says she has an extra ticket to the Melissa Ethridge concert if you…”
    HIM: “Fine.”

  9. nillo on May 18, 2006 at 10:56 pm

    Panel 1
    Luke: What a horrible day.

    Panel 2
    Luke: The doctor told me I had to take medication every day for the rest of my life….
    Ann: Well, that’s not so bad, plenty of people take medication everyday. What’s so terrible about that?

    Panel 3
    Luke: He only gave me four pills.
    Ann: Oh …

  10. Clint on May 19, 2006 at 3:49 am

    1) BOY: My damn trendy hair is in my eyes. When will I ever be able to see?

    2) GIRL: What’s wrong?
    BOY: My damn trendy hair is in my eyes. Maybe I can see if I brush it back out of my eyes.

    3) BOY: Damn, my damn trendy hair is still in my eyes.
    GIRL: Did you know that there is this special place that can cure your affliction? It’s called the BARBER; let me take you.

  11. Peterson Toscano on May 19, 2006 at 1:04 pm

    Amazing and hilarious and poignant stories you tell. Some so biting in their satire.

    More, more, give us more. (I’m so greedy for satire)

  12. Darius on May 19, 2006 at 1:56 pm

    Just because you’re thin and neat…


    “Fascist” and right wing “Christian?” I can’t begin to imagine any connection there…

  13. Agius on May 19, 2006 at 5:03 pm

    1. Jack: Oh, JESUS! I hope to God it doesn’t come back blue…

    2. Sarah: It’s blue, Jack.
    Jack: Ohshitohshitohshit…

    3. Sarah: It’ll be okay. I’ll have an abortion. Just pick a guy next time, and you won’t have this problem, okay?
    Jack: Alright… maybe you have the right idea…

  14. kurt_t on May 19, 2006 at 8:05 pm

    OK, I can’t out-parody Agius. I bow before the master!

    I will say I think it’s really sad that a lot of young people are going to look at these visuals and come away with the idea that being gay is something that’s necessarily a cause for dread and anxiety.

    The more time I spend looking at the ex-gay movement, the more it looks to me like a form of cultic abuse.

  15. Contemplative Activist on May 19, 2006 at 9:00 pm

    If you put the photos into the original order from the Battle Cry website…

    #1: Oh no, here she comes. I’ll try to hide behind my hair.

    #2: If I don’t make eye-contact perhaps she’ll go away

    #3: She still doesn’t get the message

Leave a Comment