Dispelling the Rumors


Ever since I mentioned that I will announce BIG NEWS on Monday April 2nd, lots of folks have come forward to share their thoughts (fantasies?) I feel for the sake of my personal integrity, I have to address these rumors directly.

Tom D. writes, Tom Cruise saw you on tv. He was SO MOVED that he:
1) came out (finally);
2) bought the film rights to your life story;
3) and will be starring in the movie, as you.

Well, I am sure Mr. Cruise saw me on TV. As you know, Tom D, and regularly point out, I am a queer Quaker media whore who seems to pop up on TV every few hours (which is actually true over at Current TV for the next few weeks.) Tom, you know full well that I would never like someone as old as Cruise portray me on the screen. Plus he refused to shave his hair.

KJ’s rumor is much more plausible based on my egocentric multiple personalities,

I heard that they’re going to make a movie of Peterson’s life, and he’s going to play ALL the roles. There was some trouble during negotiating compensation since Peterson thought each character should receive his or her own salary.

But this too is another false rumor.
Abbyladybug raises a lot of interesting questions,

Are you gonna be on Oprah?!! A major book deal? A TV movie of your life? Are you dating some major celeb who has yet to publicly come out?

To which I answer–1. Not yet, 2. Not yet, 3. Not yet, 4. Excuse me but I am already dating myself thank-you-very-much.

Alex projects his own male Swedish domination persona by proposing,

I am more than certain that your big thing will be the announcement of your inevitable future as a resident Swede.

Tempting, but I am not ready to make that announcement yet, although my Swedish improves all the time and I will be there for at least a week in May–yay!

Probably the most compelling rumor, and the one that will most likely raise the Queer Terror Alert to bright pink for folks at Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcast Network is KJ’s full-blown rumor,

I heard that Peterson is going to start a cable network — “Gay Christian Broadcast Network”. Each day, there will be live programming with fabulous, baroque sets. Momma will host and wear lavender wigs.

Due to financial restraints, Peterson will use several of his alternative personalities to host each program in the GCBN line up. Marvin will be manning the phones to take prayer requests and accept donations. Robert Tilton out takes will be shown after midnight.

I love the thought of Marvin taking on the prayer requests. Just perfect.

KJ, who must have far too much time on his hand or else has a personal agenda to create new projects for me, posted a few more saucy suggestions here.

All lovely rumors but friends, you are COLD, very cold. Not even close. So if you want, check in this blog about midnight Sunday night to hear the official word about the BIG NEWS. I will give you one hint though…the BIG NEWS has something to do with me and a lesbian, a partnership…(bwaa keep the rumors coming.)

This post has 11 Comments

  1. ElliotManning on March 30, 2007 at 5:54 pm Reply

    Hmmm… I already know, but this is rumor thing about Peterson’s life is fun:

    *You’re having a baby! Yes, you were impregnated by an extraterrestrial and now your little dual-species infant will be arriving sometime in mid-September.

    *Wild imagination I have, huh?

  2. Peterson Toscano on March 30, 2007 at 6:24 pm Reply

    September, that is a good time for the birth. I will be in the UK and they have universal health care.

  3. KJ on March 30, 2007 at 11:30 pm Reply

    Saucy? Saucy? I am FAR to pious to be saucy.

    Now, excuse me as I go read my Bible.

    Can’t wait to hear the BIG news!

  4. Jimbo on March 30, 2007 at 11:44 pm Reply

    Ooh…
    the anticipation.

  5. PW on March 31, 2007 at 1:23 am Reply

    Actually Steven Fales will be portraying Peterson.

    And you are dating yourself? (Backing up slowly.)

    Now the GCBN proposal is just too hilarious. But how will we tell it from TBN?

    And catching the ex-gays off-guard? I haven’t exactly noticed them being on guard to begin with.

    And I concur with kj, can’t wait to hear the big news.

    Now if I can just figure out why I feel like a hooked fish being reeled in?

  6. Daniel C on March 31, 2007 at 6:57 am Reply

    you are gonna have children..?
    And then move to Sweden, to start a everyday ordinary queer family-life in a small village outside Eslöv. Shop at systembolaget once a month, and get a Volvo.
    Right?

  7. Anonymous on March 31, 2007 at 1:09 pm Reply

    Ooooh! I think I might have an idea! Does it involve a Quaker lesbian from Canada? (Who is another one of my favorite people?…)

    — Tom D.

  8. Liadan on March 31, 2007 at 4:41 pm Reply

    Well, clearly you’re to be Ellen’s new roving correspondent / cohost.

    And what’s this about dating yourself? Do you and Tartex have a polyamorous situation worked out, then?

  9. Jude on April 1, 2007 at 11:55 pm Reply

    I am dying for the BIG news! I hope it involves monkeys.

    Of course, I am just waiting for the day when you will go public with the fact that you are my babydaddy. Fess up already!

  10. Peterson Toscano on April 2, 2007 at 3:22 am Reply

    Jude, Please let’s not start that again, especially here of all places. I tell you it was not me! I will even go on Maury to prove it.

    KJ, you are SO saucy in a sacred sort of way.

    well it is nearly midnight and I have to postpone the news till morning. not that I want to, but my hands are tied (Ouch Rodrigo! Not so tight!)

    so check in the late morning for NEWS!

  11. Peterson Toscano on April 2, 2007 at 3:25 am Reply

    Tom, Celine is a Quaker???

    PW u do have an active imagination.

    Daniel, Sweden is far too gay for me!

Leave a Comment