Breaking Up with Jesus is Hard to Do

Owen Egerton at Killing the Buddha tackles the question, What happens when you realize you’re just not that into him?

I’m often angry. I’d given him the best years of my life. Turned down college parties for Bible studies, passed on spring break flings just to make him happy. Memorized his words. Voted for his candidates.

Other times I miss him so much my chest hurts. It had been love, after all. Not puppy love, but passionate life-changing love. Late night prayers, sharing every thought, every feeling. Trusting him with my life. For over ten years nothing, nothing at all, was more important to me. Now that it’s ended, the void feels nearly as encompassing as the presence once had.

After years of praying “in Jesus’ name” I now find myself not knowing how to pray. What do I call God? How do I connect? I had come to define myself by this relationship. Now that I’m alone, who am I?

Read more of Jesus and I Broke Up

Hat tip to Christine. She is my Internet supplier; I shall not want.

This post has 3 Comments

  1. Bob Painter on April 20, 2006 at 3:07 pm

    I can certainly relate to the angst the blogger shares. When I decided to let Jesus out of the box I was keeping him in, I too struggled with feeling I had betrayed him.

    I still stuggle with prayer and Bible reading because I spent so much of my life viewing God through conservative glasses. God has not changed, but I have; and I’m glad…

  2. CrackerLilo on April 21, 2006 at 4:32 am

    This made me cry. I’ve been there. I’m so grateful not to be anymore. So grateful.

  3. Shannon on April 24, 2006 at 7:54 pm

    I can sort of identify with the writer. I grew up in a religious family that always went to church and sent me to Christian schools but I never once felt like I actually believed what I was taught. Within the past two years I’ve decided to stop feigning belief. I am currently looking for somewhere to put my focus. I feel a little disoriented but it’s way better than the depression of pretending to be someone I’m not. Like the writer says, people who are religious tend to blame me for leaving. I personally see it as a neccessary part of my person.

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