Category: Beyond Ex-Gay

Doin’ Time in Richmond, Indiana

What a wonderful time in chilly Richmond. Apparently the weather was sunny and in the 70’s up until about 20 minutes before I landed on Tuesday. Yo, I have nothing to do with the weather! It is FREEZING with like snow, but the sky is turning blue and folks here at Earlham College are so wonderful.

I did my show last night and was soooooo touched by some special people in the audience who I talked to before and afterwards. (You know who you are and I’ll let you speak for yourselves if you want). Let me just say that I had a very special hug from a very special person. And I had an incredible conversation and prayer with someone before the show. And I got to see a bunch of my New England Yearly Meeting young Quaker friends too. Sweet.

Tonight will be the Take Back the Night event. According to the flyer it is,

an internationally-held march and vigil with the purpose of unifying women,
men, and children in awareness of sexual violence and other forms of violence
against women, children and families. It is about taking a stand against
violence and making the night safe for everyone.

I have been asked to say a few words after the mayor’s speech. I think I will talk about transphobic attacks here in the US and abroad and the sort of terrorism many people live with simply because some people choose to feel threatened by the presence of transgender and genderqueer people. Any thoughts or suggestions? I would love to hear from you about this as it is new terrority for me (speaking at a rally like this about violence).

Next week at this time I will be in Greensboro, NC at other Quaker settings–Guilford College and New Garden Friends School. I love being with Friends as we get to connect on several levels. At the faculty meeting here yesterday at Earlham, although many of the professors are not Quaker, still we settled into a deep silence right away at the end of the meeting.

I have developed some wonderful friendships with the folks in Greensboro and I look forward to meeting some more. The regional paper published an article by Leslie Mizellby in which she writes about my appearance and also mentions bXg. She did a fine job with the article and brought out parts of my story that many journalists miss. She also included my comments about the South. I have one problem with the article though; she uses the M word! “

I tried to fix the wrong problems,” he said in a radio interview March 1. “As a
Christian, I wanted to please God based on what my leaders were telling me God
wanted.”Now a Quaker minister, he regrets the time lost and a failed marriage,
not to mention the $30,000 spent on fruitless treatments.

He just started beyondexgay.com, an online community for ex-gay survivors to help others who have been through the process.”

After talking to hundreds of people who have been through ex-gay programs,” he said in a phone interview last week from his Hartford, Conn., home, “I’ve come to the conclusion they cause much more harm than good.”

Ahem, I am NOT a Quaker minister, or a Queer minister, or any type of minister. I am just like so many other people simply allowing a little Light and truth to affect me and hopefully others. I feel that when we make these distinctions and class people as minister/laity, it makes it seem that you have to be special or specially called to do what we all can do. I love how early Quakers deconstructed much of the church hierarchy and made it clear that ANYONE could be used by the Spirit–even the uneducated, women and children–something unheard of at the time.

Speaking of bXg, Christine, we are getting lots of great press. Christine was interviewed this morning (5am her time :P) for OutQ on Sirius Radio and the story is begining to get out there into the gay press.

We are making updates all the time and just added a powerful narrative of former Exodus leader, Darlene. Lots of great responses and LOADS of visitors. We also have updated the name of the conference to better reflect what it will be like. So please come to the The Ex-Gay Survivors Conference–Undoing the Damage, Affirming Our Lives Together.

Okay, I have to get myself ready for the day. Lots of wonderful people to see!

Beyond Ex-Gay–Web Site & Conference


Okay BIG news. For over a year Christine Bakke and I have been working on a new web site called BeyondExGay.com (or bXg for short.) We then got together with the technical expertise of Steve Boese and BAM! we have bXg! The site will serve as an on-line community and resource specifically geared towards ex-gay survivors.

We recognize that many of those who have had ex-gay experiences could use a place to connect with others with similar experiences, to process their own histories and learn how to get beyond ex-gay.

Then a few months after we began building the site, I started a partnership with SoulForce to talk strategy about a positive response to the ex-gay movement. Through those talks we began to plan a special conference specifically designed for ex-gay survivors. After much talk and planning we are ready to announce that we will have the The Survivor’s Conference–Beyond Ex-Gay in Irvine, CA June 29-July 1, 2007 (which happens to be the same weekend and city for the Exodus ex-gay conference 🙂

The bXg site is up! The registration for the conference is ready!
Below is the full text of the press release announcing the launch of bXg and the conference.

Online registration is now available for The Survivor’s Conference: Beyond Ex-gay, a face-to-face event scheduled for June 29th through July 1st, sponsored by beyondexgay.com and Soulforce.

(Austin, TX)—Survivors of ex-gay programs can take advantage of two new resources this week. Beyondexgay.com, an online community for those who are healing from ex-gay experiences, will go live today. Simultaneously, online registration will begin for The Survivor’s Conference: Beyond Ex-gay, a face-to-face event scheduled for June 29-July 1, and sponsored by beyondexgay.com and Soulforce.

Recent events have brought national attention to the existence of programs intended to modify same-sex desires. While much of that attention has focused on whether sexual orientation is subject to change, beyondexgay.com and The Survivor’s Conference are the first efforts to move beyond that debate in order to focus on the community of “survivors”—people who feel they have experienced more harm than benefits from ex-gay programs.

“We use the term ‘survivor’ because we want to emphasize the very real psychological trauma that these programs can cause, and also because we want to highlight the strength of the men and women who, in spite of enormous pressures, come to accept themselves as they are,” says Jeff Lutes, a practicing psychotherapist and Executive Director of Soulforce.

Peterson ToscanoThe creators of beyondexgay.com, Peterson Toscano and Christine Bakke, talked to hundreds of fellow ex-gay survivors. What they heard, again and again, was that ex-gay experiences brought inner turmoil, confusion and shame.

Many survivors acknowledge that some good came of their ex-gay journey. “We grew to understand our sexuality better and in some cases even overcame life-controlling problems,” says Toscano, but he is quick to point out that the harm most survivors experience far outweighs the help they receive. The consensus of the major medical and mental health organizations is that homosexuality is not a disorder and, therefore, does not need to be cured. The American Psychological Association identifies “depression, anxiety, and self-destructive behavior” among the possible risks associated with ex-gay therapies.

Toscano spent 17 years and over $30,000 on three continents attempting to change or at least contain his unwanted same-sex attractions. He ultimately endured two years at the Love in Action residential ex-gay program in Memphis, TN.

“In the end I was still very gay, but also depressed, isolated and nearly faithless,” he says.

Toscano, now a Christian Quaker, has since created a one-person comedy about his ex-gay experiences and has presented Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House and his other work throughout North America, Europe, West Africa and the Caribbean. In spring 2005, Bakke contacted Toscano after attending one of his performances.

Photo of Christine Bakke herself spent more than 4 years trying to change her orientation. She moved to Denver in 1998 to become ex-gay and participated in a program affiliated with Exodus International, the largest network of ex-gay ministries. In 2003 she realized that while she had changed in many areas, her sexual orientation remained the same. Bakke’s story will be featured in the May issue of Glamour, which hit newsstands April 10. Toscano will appear as a guest on the Trya Banks Show on April 12.

Bakke and Toscano continued to dialogue, and last spring they decided it was time to reach out to more ex-gay survivors through the Internet. Together with assistance from their friend, Steve Boese, they form the perfect team: Bakke—a graphic designer, Toscano—a writer, and Boese—a web guru and founder of MyOrgHost.

Image of two people having a conversation

Beyondexgay.com currently features diverse narratives from ex-gay survivors. It also provides an array of resources, including original articles and art by survivors, as well as links to other sites. Soon survivors will have the option to join the community and create a profile. Through an on-line form, they will document and share their own ex-gay experiences. Their responses will then be added to a database that will track the variety and scope of ex-gay experiences endured by survivors.

“The ex-gay experience is unique in many ways. No one understands it better than those of us who have been through it. Creating a communal space for ex-gay survivors to tell their stories allows us to share what led us into an ex-gay lifestyle and ways we have been able to recover from it,” says Bakke.

Creating a space for survivors to come together and share their stories was also the impetus behind The Survivor’s Conference: Beyond Ex-Gay. The conference, which will take place June 29th through July 1st at the University of California-Irvine, is co-sponsored by the LGBT Resource Center at UC Irvine.
Photo of Jeff Lutes
“We chose Irvine because the annual Exodus Freedom Conference is coming to Irvine that week,” says Lutes. “For Soulforce, beyondexgay.com, and the LGBT Resource Center at UC Irvine, it is very important to provide a positive response to the Exodus message that gay men and lesbians are sinful and disordered.”

If you want to stand in peaceful solidarity to lovingly confront the damaging consequences of the ex-gay movement – this conference is for you. If you have ever been through an ex-gay experience or been damaged by the message that God does not love and affirm you – this conference is for you. If you are confused about the Bible and homosexuality, currently in an ex-gay program, or thinking about trying to change who you are – this conference is for you.

Schedule of Events

Friday, June 29, 2007, 7pm – 9pm, Crystal Cove Auditorium (free and open to the public): Doing time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House: How I survived the Ex-gay Movement – a performance by Peterson Toscano, www.homonomo.com

Jason and deMarcoSaturday, June 30, 2007, 9am – 5pm. Registration online is highly recommended. Registrations at the door will be accepted as space allows.

7pm – Crystal Cove Auditorium (free and open to the public) Jason & deMarco in Concert! www.jasonanddemarco.com

Sunday, July 1, 2007 – Optional worship at a local welcoming & affirming church.