Bad & Badder–When “Ever Straights” Run the Program

Having spent loads of time in various “ex-gay” programs, the majority of the time I sat under the care of former gays–formerly practicing homosexuals.

Although lots of gay activist types may not like to hear it, these folks were wonderful to me–witty, compassionate, intelligent and sincere. When I hurt, they comforted me, and they ministered to me out of a heart of love.

But I also met another sort of “ex-gay” leader, the Ever Straight. These folks have never ever (no never) engaged in gay sex. Often married, with a history of drug, alcohol or sex addiction, or the product of a divorce where one parent was gay, they hope to straighten us gays out.

The difference between the former gays and the ever straights is as palpable as a cup of warm cocoa to a bucket of ice water. The ever straights exude a hardness and maintain a calculated clinical relationship with clients; I never felt safe around them.

Now I’m not suggesting that anyone should subject themselves to “ex-gay” programs, regardless the staff. I spent years of misery and confusion because I put myself in these places. I’m just saying that there are degrees of badness.

It’s like when people thought President George H Bush (the daddy) was bad, that was of course until George W (the son) came along. Suddenly daddy seemed kind and gentle.

Perhaps the best way to dissuade queers from attending “ex-gay” programs is to fully staff them with ever straights. (Lord knows, most of the former gays fall off the wagon anyway.) Once queers feel the direct blow of hetero oppression, the plan will become clear. Ever straights don’t want to save our souls, they want to recreate us in their own image, then turn us into oppressors (in Jesus name).

Former gays, once victimized by the system in turn victimize others. Ever straights bully queers and should be avoided at all costs.
Even former gays know this.

This post has 4 Comments

  1. memphisman on June 30, 2005 at 6:58 pm Reply

    I guess what you’re saying is that you’d rather have Richard Simmons as your diet coach than Jean-Claude van Damme…Or maybe not?!?

    I agree: it’s hard to find sympathy from anyone who has only a second-hand knowledge of your issue.

  2. Willie Hewes on June 30, 2005 at 7:12 pm Reply

    So, what you’re saying is, it could be worse?

    “Although lots of gay activist types may not like to hear it, these folks were wonderful to me–witty, compassionate, intelligent and sincere. When I hurt, they comforted me, and they ministered to me out of a heart of love.”

    That may be the first thing I’ve read on the subject that has actually calmed me down a bit. Thanks. I feel… quiet now.

    That’s something, at least. I’d begun to fear Smid was a moneygrabbing cynic. Somehow it doesn’t seem as bad to think he’s sincere in his misguidedness.

    Bad and badder. Hmm… must think on this. I think your plan of getting only everstraights into running these places may work.

    Except of course for the people made to stay there by their parents…

  3. Peterson Toscano on June 30, 2005 at 8:01 pm Reply

    memphisman, that is it exactly! Give me Richard Simmons any day as my diet coach!

  4. Anonymous on January 2, 2006 at 8:06 pm Reply

    “Ever straights don’t want to save our souls, they want to recreate us in their own image, then turn us into oppressors (in Jesus name).”

    I wouldn’t be so sure that THAT pathology is entirely correct. I think that “ever straights” are more into PUNISHING Queers out of a hateful fear or sense of violation/abandonment that they experienced from their relationships with a Queer spouse or parent etc. Of course they diguise that vindictivness as “Caring help” or “compassion”.

    But my attitude is “A pig is a pig, and thats that”. Just like so-called “Hate crime laws” I don’t really CARE what their inner thoughts and problems or intent are, what I am concerned about is their actual behavior.

    The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

    Richard Simmons AND Van Dammit wouldn’t be interested in getting people healthy if there wasn’t a paycheck in it. The bottom-line is that they are both “entertainers” who are praying on, and profiting from peoples negative self-images and low self-esteem.

    Getting *ANYONE* to help run these places is just not good thinking.

    -Bob C

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